صحيت من النوم فجأة

Forwarded

لا تقف كثيرا عند أخطاء ماضيك .. لأنها ستحيل حاضرك جحيما ومستقبلك حطاما .

.... يكفيك منها وقفة اعتبار تعطيك دفعة جديدة في طريق الحق والصواب

******************

صحيت من النوم فجأة




شفت نور غريب !!

المشكلة أن نور الغرفة مسكر

شفت الساعة على 3 ونص الفجر

طيب .. النور هذا كله من وين ؟؟؟

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تفاجأت لما شفت يدي نصها بالجدار

طلعتها بسرعة وانا خايف جلست اشوفها

دخلتها مره ثانيه بالجدار .. تدخل !!!!!!!!

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سمعت صوت ضحك

جلست التفت لقيت اخوي نايم !!!

قمت من السرير وانا خايف رحت اصحيه

بس ما يرد علي

رحت لغرفة أمي

أحاول أصحي أبوي

أبغى أحد يرد علي ماردو

رحت لأمي أحاول اصحيها فجأة قامت من النوم !!!!!

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هي قامت من النوم بس ماكلمتني

كانت تسمي ' بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ' وتكررها ..

قومت ابوي من النوم قالت له قوم قوم

ابغى اروح اتطمن على الأولاد..

أبوي جاوبها باستغراب ' مو وقته الحين خليني انام وبكرهـ يصير خير '

لكن باصرارها قام من النوم مستغرب وراحو سوى

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جلست أصرخ أمييي أبوييي

بس محد يرد !!!

مسكت ثيابها ابغاها تسمعني

بس ماحست !!!

جلست امشي وراها لحد ما وصلت غرفة النوم

دخلو غرفة النوم وشغلو اللمبات

ماكانت تفرق معاي لأن الدنيا منوره أصلا

بسسس تفاجأت لما شفت شي غرييييييب

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شفت جسمي !!!

أيوه جسمي انا

جلست أطالع في نفسي لقيتني صرت اثنين

قلت في نفسي مين هذا ؟ وكيف هذا يشبهني !!!

جلست أضرب في نفسي أبغى أصحى من هذا الحلم الكئيييب

لكن ما صحيييت

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أبوي قال ' يالله شفتي انهم نايمين خلينا نمشي '

لكن أمي ما هديت راحت عند اللي كان نايم مكاني

قالت محمد قووم محمد قووم رد علي

بس ما يرد !!!

حاولت أكثر من مرره وفجأة بدأت دمووع أبي تتساقط

أبي القوي الذي لم أرى في حياتي دموعه رأيتها اليوم

بدأ الصراخ يعلو المكان .. صحى أخي من النوم قال ' ايش صاير '

أمي قالت له وهي تصرخ ' أخووك ماات محمد ماات ' وهي تبكي بحرقة

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ازداد الصراخ

رحت لأمي قلتلها لا تبكي أنا هنا شوفيني!!

مافي احد بيرد علي ليييه

جلست أصرخ أنا موجووود شوفووو

بس مافي حد بيرررد

جلست أصرخ يااااارب يااااااارب يخلص الحلم اللي انا فييه

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سمعت صوت يأتي من بعيد وكان يعلو شيء فشيء

حتى سمعت قوله تعالى : ((
لقد كنت في غفلة من هذا فكشفنا عنك غطاءك فبصرك اليوم حديد
لَقَدْ كُنتَ فِي غَفْلَةٍ مِّنْ هَذَا فَكَشَفْنَا عَنكَ غِطَاءكَ))

فجأة في اثنين مسكوني بس هما مش من البشر

خفت !!

جلست أصرخ أتركووني أتركووني

أنتو مييين ؟؟ وايش تبغو ؟؟

قالو : ' أحنا حراسك لحد القبر '
----
قلت أنا مامت أنا حي
لييه تودوني القبر أتركووني !!
أنا أحس و أتكلم و أشوف لسى ما مت
ردو علي بابتسامه

قالو ' عجيب أمركم يالبشر تظنون أن الموت نهاية الحياة ولا تدرون أن ماكنتم تعيشون فيه هو حلم قصير ينتهي عندما تموتون '
مازالو يسحبون فيني لحد القبر
واحنا بالطريق شفت ناس بتبكي وناس بتضحك و ناس بتصرخ
وكل واحد معاه اثنين زيي
سألتهم ليييه يسوو كيذا ؟؟
قالو ' الناس هذول عارفين مصيرهم منهم من كان على ضلال '
قاطعتهم وانا خائف ' يعني بيروحو النار !!!! '
قالو ' نـعـم '
وأكملو حديثهم ' واللي يضحك هذا رايح الجنة '
رديت بسرعة ' وأنا رايح فيين ؟؟؟؟؟ '
قالو ' أنت كنت شويه تمشي صح و شويه تمشي خطأ
شويه تتوب وترجع اليوم الثاني تعصي وماكنت واضح مع نفسك
وهتضل كيذا تايه '
قاطعتهم و أنا خائف ' يعني اييييييييش يعني انا برووح الناار '

ردو علي ' رحمة الله واسعة و الرحلة طويلة '



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التفت وأنا خايف شفت أهلي أبوي عمي أخواني أقاربي كلهم



كانو حاملييني بصندوق رحت لهم ركض قلتلهم ' ادعو لي '



لكن مافي حد رد علي منهم من كان يبكي ومنهم من كان حزيين



رحت لأخوي قلت له انتبه من الدنيا وفتنها لاتغريييك



كنت أتمنى لو أنه يسمعني



شدوني الملكيين لقبري ونوموني فوق الجسد حقي



شفت ابوي وهو يرمي التراب فوقي



شفت اخواني وهما يرمو التراب



شفت الناس كلها ترمي التراب فوقي



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تمنيت لو اني مكانهم في الدنيا كان تبت



كان صليت الفجر أمس



كان دعييت ربي كل يوم



كان جددت توبتي كل يوم



كان بطلت معااصي



جلست اصرخ ' يااانااااس انتبهووو تغرركم الدنيا '



تمنييت لو حد يسمعني



فهل سمعتني أنت ؟ ؟ ؟

Sugar rush

Last week when I was sugar-craving (cuz u know what was coming along :p)
I shoved 2-3 cupcakes from Goodies into my mouth like I was coming out
of a hunger strike!!
But since I live with other people I had to be considerate to them so
I had to leave a few and keep my cravings at bay. It was sooo
dissapointing when they finished! Then because my cravings got worse I
HAD to make my own cupcakes!! But due to the fact I had and still have
finals I had to wait, then when I finally made the cake the craving
was gone and you know what came, now I can't look at a cake or
chocolate without having guilt claw itself at me :p
Though I should point out that this is the first time this EVER
happened to me. I was very much suprised! Plus the mood swings, boy oh
boy, they are weird! I hadn't felt so odd in my life!
Giggle!
The Sugar-crave is over,scale-phobia is in!!
Signed,
The.Insomniac
P.S pray for me everyone,final lab metabolism 2 awaits me at 11 am
today and I have been tossing and turning all night, jittery for some
unknown reason!! I need to get a full mark in it!! Ya rab!

Sent from my iPod

Bubbling chocolate fudge.

I'm entertaining the thought of chocolate honey cigars. It'd be very
interesting and not to mention yummy too! And they wouldn't be bad for
my health either, they'd be smoke (tobacco) free and edible!
They'd fulfill my desire to be outrageous and witty.
Oh and Thank you anonymous, your comments are heartwarming and very
much appreciated. I'm glad you liked my writing.
(gracefully curtsying)
May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon all of you who have read
my blog, commented and enjoyed my work.
I love you all.

Sent from my iPod

Home.

I used to think that Falasteen is my country until I lived in Saudi
Arabia.
As a child in America my family and I were very active in the islamic
community, we'd attend conventions and concerts and sing songs about
Palistine, I heard the song "raji3 3a bladi" more than once this week
and I found out I already knew the lyrics by heart because it was a
big part of my childhood the song simply says I'm going back to my
country, the land of AlAqsa I'm going back home. And I truly beleived
that home was Alquds. Maybe it is in a way, its freedom will
symbolize peace and unity between us.
All I know is that I am starting to remember this and I'm a bit
homesick.
12 January 2009
10:10 pm

Sent from my iPod

Sigh or cry!

Sadly this is our reality!

Thoughts Running in Her Head...

I look too innocent she said to her reflection
I want to scream
If I hack my long hair off
Will I look like I’m mean?
Oh what I’d give to wear a dress by Alexander McQueen
Maybe this is all a dream
Someday I’ll wake up
And this will be no more than a scene in a movie
Where the boy tells the girl:
I’ve been waiting for you
And she replies
I love you too
Images of the life she could have imprint themselves in her mind
Whenever she feels sad, they rewind
The day will come she talked to her reflection once more
When the world wont be cruel to me, it’ll be kind
And the bruises I have wont hurt. No longer sore
When that happens
I won’t just laugh
I’ll roar
I may look innocent she said again
But that’s just skin
Underneath there’s more.

1:57 pm January 7, 2009

Me...

Slowly
The pain in my heart subsided
Then like a freight train it came back strong and loud
Shocking me to the core
One day I’m okay
Then I hear a love song
And I become sad and heartbroken
I haven’t been in love … yet
But my mind makes it seem like the most amazing thing in the world
I see the people around me who are married or on the way to
They aren’t as happy as my mind pictures people in love should be
So I start getting the pre-crying heart pains
I feel so tiny
So lonely
So lost
Maybe it’s because of the media that messed up my mind so?
Beats me.
Though I don’t think so!
I sleep and all my dreams are so bad,
I wake up thanking God for reality
Yesterday I dreamt one of the most bizarre dreams I ever had.
Nothing made sense!
It wasn’t a bad one, but it was truly messed up
Made me want to cry
Because it made me wish for prince charming so bad
Where is he I wonder
Why isn’t he here?
Why am I here writing this,
When I could be dancing with him on my favorite song?
I guess he’s on his way
Probably got caught up by bandits.
But he’s going to come
I’m sure
God is kind, He won’t let me stay sad any longer.
That’s why I love Him
He’s my savior
My solace when everyone leaves me and goes
He’s the one that truly understands me
So… I Love you Allah.


Friday
4-5-2008
9:24 pm
On my bed. Wondering!
Still wondering 6-Jan-09 1:23 am

My Bubble Burst

I thought that if I was super good, super sweet, super kind… I’d get married. I’d get my prince charming. Apparently I was wrong on two things. A) it doesn’t make a difference and its not magic! B) there ain’t no prince charming. Regardless. I still want to get married. Because, I believe even though marriage is full of responsibilities, it has some fun too. I mean we don’t have boyfriend girlfriend relations in Islam, but we do have movies, music, books and TV shows from all around the world showing us the –yes glossed and unrealistic but still tempting- relationships, the happiness the sadness, the happily-ever-after(s) and what am I supposed to do about it? What can I do about it? Simply absolutely nothing. All I can do is sit and dream and keep wishing that I might get a slice of that reality. Feminists and the women of my family, would kill me if they heard this. They’d say that there is much more to life that getting a guy, that they aren’t worth the effort and you’ll get that headache one day so why ask for it now? Well because I am tired of waiting I am tired of sitting around while I know that my friends and people around me are getting a piece of the cake, yes it’s wrong and forbidden in Islam –the whole dating thing- and Allah doesn’t allow it and it grants sins, breaks hearts and so on and so forth, but I want it the right way, I want it with the guy I marry, I don’t want him to be serious except about certain things like: monogamy ((me and only me playa !!)) and respect, other than that, I want us to be goofy and silly together, I want us to go bungee jumping and sky diving, try extreme sports and extreme fun and adventure, at the same time he’d enjoy sitting beside me in our quiet living room just listening to the world pass us by. But basically I want him to have fun with me. Yeah I want him to have fun with his friends and be social, but still I don’t want a guy that would be bored by me or get nervy and jumpy if he’s not out with the guys. I hate how I sound.
Recently I’ve been having depression attacks… suddenly my heart feels like theres this giant hand squishing it… it really hurts and I feel like I just want to curl up under my sheets and cry my eyes out. But I don’t for many reasons, mainly because I want to end this feeling, I don’t want to hang my hopes on some unknown future, and I don’t want to rely on a person to make me happy because I for one know, that people are the biggest disappointment in life. You can only rely on yourself to make you happy, because otherwise, your hopes – most probably, almost all the time- get crushed like an ant, right after they are belittled and made fun of.
It’s not the whole -I don’t have a guy- that’s bothering me, it’s everything. The list of things that hurt and anger me is really long. But there are certain things that are in bold and highlighted, while others are just on the list and wouldn’t bother me if they were on their own, but they get stacked up, those little things, and in they wind along with the big issues make me explode and shatter into so many pieces, I think I lost some when I put myself back together so maybe that’s why I feel hurt, there are so many gaps that need filling, so many pieces of me that are missing, all the scars and wounds that are barely healing get picked at constantly, never to truly recover and match the rest of my skin.

10:32 pm 11-3-2008
Actually this is how I feel almost everyday 4:36 pm 6-Jan-09

Sigh

Sigh
I am extremely bothered at the moment
Reading "she said u were ok, not photogenic" is irrevecobly
disconcerting cuz I know I'm not, I'm videogenic but it just hit a
nerve, it's like saying you're not beautiful. That ur beauty is not
good enough to be captured on camera!!
Maybe I'm reading too much into this maybe I'm not.
I like how I look I honestly do,
But this world is only nice to the dropdead gorgeous (boys and girls)
people.
I mean I've seen really ugly (no offense) people being treated kindly
as in sympathy but for the normal looking people who's personalities
are AMAZING they're overlooked.
I'm not claiming to be unsuperficial, I am. (I like good looking
people especially actors/actresses)

But I am normal looking that's how God created me.
I know I'm smart and funny and cute.
But if I don't open my mouth and talk you wouldn't look twice at me,
I'm loud and i laugh without inhibitions and i skip on public and
express myself with pureness of heart.
I don't mind talking in public or laughing or vein overjoyed that my
happiness effects everyoe around me.
I am me, and until my prince charming (the one who'll appreciate,
respect, love and understand me) comes I'm not bending over or
changing for anybody.

I know no one asked me to, but I'm
Not waiting for anyone to do so.

Sigh
Seriously hungry but fasting, I think it's 3ashoura.

Peace out.
January 6 2008
3:26 pm

Sent from my iPod

Me

I have known for a while that my vice is that I am an extreemly
impatient person.
Seriously it's a really bad thing
Because u know when they say good things come to those who wait
But waiting is HARD excruciatingly so!!
It's like someone saying I'm going to give you a new laptop with all
the specs you've been dreaming of but not tell u when, just soon. And
even though it'll probably in the next week u can't wait. Ur jittery
and buzzy and can't think straight.
U may end up wishing it were a surprise. All the suspense is killing u.
Well what if the thing ur waiting for is a million times BETTER than a
laptop? What then? I bet yu couldn't sit still or even produce a
coherent thought for the whole "waiting" period.
Sigh.
I'm going to go pray now.
And whoever reads this, pray for me.
Ps I have a metabolism test I HAVE to ace or I'll lose my mind. So
pray for me please.

Love
The jittery shimmery jitter bug.

Sent from my iPod

December 27 2008

December 27 2008
12:00 pm
In front of class 91C on the floor wishing I could sleep right then
and there.
I left my iPod at home so I wrote the following on my mobile, here it
is :

Am I hapy?
I have no clue
All I know is that I'm so blue
I feel like crying
I feel like dying
I feel like splitting in two
Maybe I'll go smoke the brazilllian coffee blend
I don't think it'll change anything
I'm not on the mend
I'm on the corner bend
I don't smoke I just pretend
Yes, that's a fake cigar in my hand
I made of in art class when the teacher left
'cause someone put red ink on her chair
I won't tell who, I swear
So it gave me time to make this fine Cuban
With pencil shavings rolled in construction paper in the perfect shade
of brown
Then I sat here on the edge of town
Oh for God's sake wipe off that frown
I haven't done anything wrong
So quit looking like a clown
I'm fullfiling a dark desire
To speak French and smoke like there is no tomorrow
Not care about the world
Forget my sorrows
So it all comes down to this
I want to not care
Maybe then I'll acheive bliss?
Then will it not hurt anymore?
I have no clue
But I'm sure Jean Peirre* would know.

*jean peirre is just a French name I used instead of saying I'm sure
the french would know.

Sent from my iPod

Lalalalalala

Lalalalalala
That's what I feel like today
Lalalalalala
I feel like a helium ballon high and floaty

Sent from my iPod

Rant rant rant !!!

To know how long a second can be just try watching a whole video on
YouTube it is excruciating!!
Oh and btw I did get the movie list but not all of it, just the vital
ones mainly Twilight and the version sucked so bad I am watching it on
YouTube so on the quality side it's great but on the slow side it's
horrible!!
Whoever has a food copy or is coin to buy the orginal DVD, my birthday
is in April but I accept gifts all the time!
I am DYING to see it properly!
This is too hard :(

Peace out!

Sent from my iPod

Crap crap crap!!!!!

Crap crap crap!!!!!
I just overslept and missed my class!!!!
It is so annoying because 2 or 3 of my absences are because I was 10
minutes late and the teacher wouldn't let me in!!!!
I don't know how many abscences I have accumulated, and I'm worries
I'll be banned from the final exam!! And have to redo the subject
( please ya Allah no!!)
Sigh, now I'm debating whether or not attend the nutrition class it's
from 10-11 and then I'm fre for the day,
Is it worth going to?
I mean should I go back to sleep and call it a day?
No lo se!

Sent from my iPod

The decision

So much time has passed
And I can surpress the need no longer
The need to dream and wish
To let my mind wander
And Bring the fairy tale to life
My fairy tale
For every person has their own
It is freedom to roam the world
And conjure the most delicious of images
To not so much create as to see what is always there
Waiting to be seen and felt
I have wasted my last year in confining myself to reality
To the words of dissapointment that linger in the air I breathe
But now I know, reality was made by those who chose not to imagine
Not to beleive they had infinite possibilities
And that the The All-Mighty Himself can and will give them what they
want
All they needed to do was beleive
Beleive that there is goodness and purity in the world
That honesty and love exist
And that life is what we make it
But they refused
Even though in their heart where no one except The One could see, they
knew it to be true
They rejected the thought and set out to make the world a boring and
lifeless place
Working hard to rob it from its color and beauty
Putting all effort to silence the laughter
The music of love and kindness
But I shall not succumb
I have been reminded by the fairies
The ones who add magic to all things
The twinkle in a persons smiling eyes
The mischivous bubble of joy on the lips of a child
The fairies, the product of a beautiful imagination are as real as the
imagination itself
The minute we allow ourselves to give up dreaming and wanting the wish
to come true
Is the minute we lose all hope of ever surviving in the world
So that is what I am doing once more
I'm throwing myself at the mercy of my vivid imagination
I'm giving my mind free reign in the world of possibilities
And I advise you all to do the same

December 23-2008
3:08 AM

Sent from my iPod

The list!

> My obsession for the sliver screen has no limits sadly
> And I have written down the latest list of movies and tv shows I am
> dying to see.
> So here it is :
>
> •Movies:
> Changeling
> Twlight
> The love guru
> Role models
> Rockn' Rolla
> Shoot 'em up
> Eagle eye
> Pride and glory
> The day the earth stood still
> Samantha: an American girl holiday
> The haunting of emily hartley
> The women
> Nights in rodanthe
> Under the Tuscan sun
> The princess bride
> The secret life of bees
> High school musical 3
> Wild child
> The house bunny
> City of ember
> Freedom writers
> Max payne
> Quantum of solace
> Punisher: war zone
> Forever strong
> Transporter 3
> Brideshead revisted
> Broken glass
> How to lose friends and alienate people
> Ghost town
> Forgetting sara Marshall
> Hamlet 2
> In Bruges
> Miss pettigrew lives for a day
> The dutchess
> P.S. I love you
> Love story
> City of ember
> Penelope
> The nightmare before Christmas
> Step brothers
> Dreamer
> Bolt
> Charlotte's web
> Four Christmases
> Fred claus
> Beverly hills chiuhahua
> The curious case of Benjamin button
> The boy in the stripped pyjamas
> Luck of the irish
> Madagascar 3
> Igor
> Across the universe
> How to lose a guy in 10 days
>
> •Tv Shows:
> NCIS (6seasons)
> Numb3rs (4seasons)
> Brainiac
> The latest buzz
> Mind your language ( British comedy)
> Kyle XY
> Top gear ( last 3 seasons)
> Samantha who? (season 1-3)
> Related (season 1-3 )
> What I like about you
> House M.D (season 1-5)
> Private practice (season 1-5)
> Greys anatomy (season 1-5)
> How I met your mother (season 1-5)
> Are you being served (British comedy)
> Yes, Minister ( British comedy)
> That 70's show
> Freddie
>
>
> Sent from my iPod

My brother is going into surgery and I have school!

My brother is going into surgery and I have school!
Life sucks because A- I had no idea
B- I can go cuz I already have 3-4 absenses and I'll get forbidden
from the final exam if I miss this class :s
I do hope he's ok
Love u fofo darling.

Sent from my iPod

"CRASH!!!"

"CRASH!!!"
I have hit rock bottom- and before anyone says the only way is up- I'm
blue and sick n tired of being me this moment, being nice, watching
out for people's feelings I'm sick n tired of being sick and tired
I just feel winded and beaten up emotionally
I have a lab midterm in 11 hours and I am studying off my iPod cuz I
don't have a PC and someone unplugged my printer and now it's going to
take days for it to reboot, we had only one working computer in the
house left and now that one's gone bust.
Honestly at the moment I hate technology because it made a so
dependent on it we can't function without it no more!!!
Like this iPod I'm writing from, it's my lifeline, cuz if I didn't
have it I wouldve screamed until the paint peeled off the walls. It's
my venting device.
A few years back I had started writing officially and me and my laptop
were glued to each other, then it HAD to get milk spilled in it's
keyboard, and it's power supply HAD to break, and it stayed unused for
six months and it's like I lost a vital organ, now I'm working on
fixing it, 700 riyals worth repairs. I thought if I didn't have a
laptop or a PC for a while dad would notice and get me a new one, but
it didn't work, I didn't want to buy a new one by myself cuz A-it's
too expensive B-the laptop I want is top of the line with 4 GB ram
300GB hard disk 2.5ghz and it's either All fuscia or All screaming
yellow!!!( it costs 8500 riyals) it's a Hypersonic
Besides I found out that it's best to get expensive gadgets as gifts,
they give them more value and meaning plus they live longer.

I'm still in a crappy mood,
I want to watch greys anatomy and sleep without HAVING to wake up.

I wish I didn't grow up and be this person, I don like her, she's not
funny and fuzzy and confident.

I blame one person for part of my misery, she hurts me with her jokes
about me, she keeps going on and on about how I'm not good enough how
I should be better how I don't know how to dress or that I have no
taste,
On and on
repeatedly sayings words that she may see as constructive critisism
but I see as mean jealous ignorant and hurtful.
At this moment of time I truly hate her, everyone tells me to ignore
her and that she's that way with everyone but I can't anymore, then
she wonders why I don't visit and call a lot, all she knows how to do
is 3etab. And she is such a sucker for the boys in my family, she sees
them as perfect creations whereas we - the girls- are the screwups. I
can't stand her anymore.

So I've decided,
I'm going to be me again,
The girl who falls asleep on the couch and wears comfy cute clothes
and does her hair however it decides to be that day, gone is the me
that has been here for the past year, adiós.
Though on the morals side I'll hold on to the good things I've aquired
like respecting my parents and doing great in school.
Other that that I will not allow people to feed off my emotions and
feelings anymore.

Signed,
A pretty blue girl.
December sixteen twothousandandeight eleven fortyone pm.

Sent from my iPod

Score?!

Ok so I haven't exactly checked if my answers on the test are correct,
I am going to in a second but I want to say this first: I studied
well, I feel good about my answers and I am happy.
Now I'm going to open the book and let the chips fall where they fall.
1:08pm 16 December 2008
On my way home from school.

Drumroll please..........

Eeeeeeeeeeek!!! I did Great
Ma Sha Allah!!!!!!!!!
I kicked the tests butt!!!
Hahahahahahah
Al7amdulilah!!!

Too bad I'm in the car I wana do my victory dance!!!!

I feel like laughing at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!

Yyyyyyaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!

1:11pm december 16 2008

Sent from my iPod

Reporting for duty, sir!

Reporting for duty, sir!
Yeah right!! :p
Sitting in the nutrition lab, wearing a mask because there's toxic
sulfuric gas in the gas chamber on the heater I ask myself : why on
earth am I studying biochemistry??
Then I remember 'I'm going to save the world' and that question is
eliminated!
But I have come to a desicion Never will I ever teach at this
university!! I'd feather die literally, not for any reason besides the
fact that this place is stuffed with toxic energy and negative vibes
if you're in the classes, but if u r like some who love this sordid
place and hang out after hours ordering take out from mcdonalds or
pizza hut, you should seriously think of going to a shrink or just get
your head examined!!
I don't mean to be offensive but honeslty this place isnt like school
where the mood is cheery and you're young and careless, it's the real
deal apparently and it doesn't give out that vibe, it's against
everything I stand for, the optimists who're reading this will
probably say : why don't u do something about it then instead of being
a whine? Well my answer is I don't have the energy nor the heart to
work Alll that much for a hopeless cause and have my efforts
squandered on people who won't apprecciate it. That's why I wanted to
go abroad, there I know I'll find competetion but also a place to fit
in and find myself loving what I'm doing and learning, here it's a
chore, and the minute anything becomes a chore it loses any kind of
lure to me.
The sulfuric acid gas is like a slippery shady evil mastermind slowly
slithering his way through my nostrils and sinking his fangs into my
throat whilst continuing his course to my lungs, the moment he hits my
lungs I start a series of coughs that'd put a new smoker to shame.
Then I step back and let another member of my group hold the rounded
bottom flask which is on the heater and sit on the bench and write this.

December 15 2008 1:21pm
Haven't prayed dhuhur yet!!

I did right after I finished writing this at 1:38 pm

We got the results for the sample, but the blank turned out wrong so
we have to wait until Wednesday for them.
8:37pm

Attrgh gtg pray Isha and study my metabolism 2 midterm, I Adore the
subject but dread the effort.

Lazy daisy
Yep, that's me!!
8:48 pm!!!

Sent from my iPod

Lovely jubly.

If I suffered from an addiction it'd be from two things:
Im adiccted to books and sleep

In 2nd place
Salty snacks and any form if telivision (tv or movies I mean)
December 14 2008 10:30 pm

Though I have warned my parents of the negativity and addictive pull
television has on me, it still remains in our living room, they say I
should have more self restraint, but Hello! I know I'm weak against
the silver screen, especially when it's comedy, romantic comedy , a
hospital drama or my favorite teen show Teen Buzz : a show about teens
who work in a magazine?! Music to my ears!! plus it reminds me of how
much I want to be them!!!!! Aaaargh why did I Have to grow up?
wouldn't it have been awesome if I worked in a same place like that?
Being a grown up sucks in the worst way!!!!!
Ma Sha Allah I am a really good writer.

Signed,
A lady who's buzzing

Sent from my iPod

Contemplating

I realized today that some people need a good bitch slap in order to
wake up and back off, subtlety doesn't work anymore!! People need a
train to run them over in order to realize they've made a mistake!!
And even then they don't apologize!!!
Sigh, I hate a few people, less than 5 that is, and my dad ain't one
of 'em !

Signed,
The Insomniac

Sent from my iPod

Pissed off at a certain person

Pissed off at a certain person
Thought I was over it
But still am!
That person isn't worth it
So i'm letting it go
Forgiveness is a HUGE deal
I have no idea why people take it lightly

A righteously AnGry human !!!!

Sent from my iPod

Venting is theraputic!

Breathing is hard
I can't think
I'm on the brink
I don't know if I can sink
Any lower
My heartbeat is getting slower
Is my life over?
Or is it the lack of something great?
I think my heart is full of hate and something sinister that makes is
ache
I thought I had got over the past but apparently that isn't true
Because recalling the memories still sears right through
I'm not sad anymore my tears are dried up
I'm simply pissed off
Wait pissed off is too mild, I'm freakin livid
My posture is rigid
I am not timid
I'm going to say what I f***ing want and act the way I please ((since
I know how to say what I mean without being mean))
And if anyone has a problem with me
They can simply screw themselves in the worst way
I am who I am in whatever situation I'm put on
I'm not a liar nor a hypocrite
I'll either give my all or not give at all
I don't half-ass
If I blew up in someones face, they did something to deserve it.
Whether consiously or not I don't give a crap.
So watch your mouth about me
I'm not a chew toy
Nor am I a stabbing post
So quit backstabbing me I'm not a hobby
Besides, I got Allah on my side
He'll protect me from the scum of the earth who have nothing better to
do except bitch and moan about me.

Yay! Now that I said all that
I feel free
And can breathe easily
My heart no longer hurts
I'm like starbursts
Sweet and happy
Al7amdulila

Oh and I confronted my problem and it apologized so I have forgiven
and forgotten already.

Peace out
Have spagheti :p

Sent from my iPod

Day of 3arafah 1429 H

Day of 3arafah,
It feels weird I think I'm supposed to get up and do something but I
can't I'm feeling lazy today! Waking up was an accomplishment, cuz if
i wasn't in desperate need for the "little girl's room" i would've
continued my deep sleep.

Today is forgiveness day, and tomorrow is eid aladha.
Apparently this Eid is the big one, but why is it that people here
don't celebrate it like Eid alfitr? Pisses me off!

I can't beleive school is back on next week! That totally sucks! I
have two midterms that I honestly don't feel like studying at the
moment.

Ooooooh sleep attack,
Gtg
Peace out.

Sent from my iPod

Breathing.

It's amazing how one word one gesture could change your whole day,
flip it 180 degrees from you being elated to deflated and stomped on.
From utter helplessness to strength beyond measure.
I honestly want to kick the
person who said "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can't
hurt me" because words hurt worse than a blunt rusted knife to the
heart.
Words slice me up they break my heart and ruin my concentration.
But some people are here to make me happy, they're words lift me up to
the highest height. I am grateful to them but first to the Most High
that created them for me.
I love you people.
And I miss u 2.
May Allah never seperate us.
Peace out.
P.S. I do feel awesome, thank you.

Sent from my iPod

My heart...

My heart...
It feels weird...
Something between pain and loss
I feel it being sqeezed slowly agonizingly
Every moment lengthening stretching, the hurt lingering, making me
feel every drop it gave.
I don't understand this pain, is it pain? Or is it the fear of
uncertainty? Of jumping off a skyscraper blindfolded without a
parachute but with hope that someone would be at the bottom with a
trampoline or a huge jumping castle that would catch me. That was all
I had, hope.
Maybe it isn't true, maybe it isn't that bad? I won't know until it
happens, until I'm truly airborne and helpless, until that moment I
hit the fabric of my lifebouy and am no longer lost in the sea of
darkness.
I know Allah is with me and that truly is enough. I'm not just saying
that. And I know He loves me and won't hurt me, but life is a test and
true happiness isn't here in this life, it's later in heaven, where
free falling into nothingness wouldn't even cross my mind
But I'm not there yet, I'm here in this world where certainty is a
luxury that not everyone has.
So here I am, freefalling into the unknown with the only certainty I
would ever need, Allah.
It'll take a while until my heart won't stop hurting, because even if
Allah is with me, I must go through this life , live and ace its tests.
Sigh
Luji

Sent from my iPod

Important notes

Fistly,
Huda if you are reading this pleeaaaaase email me ur number in Canada, i miss ya!!!!
ok secondly:
My friend and I are working on a t-shirt line, Fun and witty.
so if yo visitors have any ideas feel free to send 'em over, we'll make sure to link the idea to u :D
And Finally,
I am FINALLY going to launch a newspaper/magazine in sha Allah , and i need all the help i can get, ideas on what columns to put...etc. and most importantly : i need other writers and artists.

Ciao

Me odio

¡estoy extremadamente enojado, vida soy horrible en el momento!
¡Deseo gritar hacia fuera toda mi cólera entonces ahora base-salto de un edificio alto! preferabbly BinHimran on Tahlia street



sigh if you don't speak spanish go to http://www.worldlingo.com/en/products_services/worldlingo_translator.html

May The Peace and Blessings of Allah be with you all!


A very Broken down IslamzReviver

The Song(s) I'm humming and singing to these days

They are all Pink's -go figure!- but the woman sure knows how to sing! ( Masha Allah)
here's the first one:

Who Knew by Pink

You took my hand

You showed me how

You promised me you'd be around

Uh huh

That's right

I took your words

And I believed

In everything

You said to me

Yeah huh

That's right

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong

I know better cause you said forever and ever

who knew

Remember when we were such fools

And so convinced and just too cool

Oh no no no

I wish I could touch you again

I wish I could still call you a friend

I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now

'Fore they're long gone

I guess I just didn't know how

I was all wrong

They knew better

Still you said forever

And ever

Who knew

Yeah yeah

I'll keep you locked in my head

Until we meet again

Until we

Until we meet again

And I won't forget you my friend

What happened

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

'Cause they're all wrong

That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again

And time makes

It harder

I wish I could remember

But I keep

Your memory

You visit me in my sleep

My darling

Who knew

My darling

My darling

Who knew

My darling

I miss you

My darling

Who knew

Who knew

disclaimer:don't read to much into this, i just love the song!

Searching

Gone to find myself…
Don’t know when I’m coming back!

Sigh
Oh here’s a clue my self left me: I hate the unknown, Trust me, it’s not as thrilling as it seems!
Which, now as I think about it is true
I find it hard to make up my mind on certain things these days
I already know that I want to open “ The Reviverettes and Revivers” Bookstore
I am sure I want to write my novel and wrap it up
But I know I don’t want to jump into the unknown

It’s tough being
Just being
And deciding
Being the boss of your own life is tough
Yes it’s WAY better than being a slave
But then who’d you blame for a bad choice?
Yourself? It sounds simpler that it really is.

Sigh
I got to go and keep searching
Wish me luck

Books, Life and me

Today was a great day since it involved books! Glorious wonderful books, I'm not even close to be done with book searching, but for today it was enough.

I bought Muhajababes, I remembered someone –who I found out I really disliked after just a few encounters- told me about it. It intrigued me because I want to know what it was about. Though after I got all the 5 book-filled heavy bags to the apartment, I lost interest, mainly because I didn't feel like going into a book that was like the girls of Riyadh, one that would make me angry or trash-talk my people. After watching Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day on Paper view with my parents I was off to my bedroom and the books where piled on the floor and Muhajababes caught my eye. I held in my hands for a few moments flipping it over my mind going over what it would contain and the fact that it originally cost 29.99 dollars and I got it for 5.99 dollars from this great shop called (Dymlocks) which was having a cool sale – made me think of my own bookstore-slash-library which I intend to open in July 2010, then decided to give it a go, put in mind that it was almost 3 am and I wanted to wake up for Fajr, so I opened it of and randomly flipped through it, reading the titles flashing on the top of the pages, when I reached to the end I saw Epilogue, and decided to read that, going against my rule which was : "never read the ending of a book first" but tonight, or today was an exception, and I absolutely LOVED it! It was AWESOME!

Giggle!

First I read the last paragraph of the epilogue and it was fantastic, I am not joking or being exaggerative it was really insightful, made me see the other point of view. She was basically talking about AK (her abbreviation for Amr Khaled) and Moez Masoud (who she just plainly calls Moez) well she goes on about Moez here's her exact words : (add them here) and it made me grin so wide I wanted to crack up, because at where I am in life now made what she wrote extremely comical, I feel the same way about what she wrote, maybe it'll wear off someday, but now what she said makes perfect sense. Are we trying as Muslims, leaders or just the people to make Islam cool? So that people would like it better? Accept it and stop considering it as the religion that creates terrorists? Which it totally isn't but that's not my point. My point is, are we bending the rules, Photoshop-ing the image to be closer to the world's comprehension? Yes, Islam is the religion of peace and is simple and is clear, but why is it that we need to decorate it, candy flavor it so that it's easier to swallow? It is already EASY TO SWALLOW! It doesn't need a spoonful of sugar to help it go down. It doesn't need artificial sweeteners or anything like that!

I understand that AK and Moez want the world to be a better place in their own way, Moez with his American accent and Abercrombie and Fitch shirts and smart mouthed comments that always involve long words that need dictionaries or thesauruses to understand, and he does use "dogma" A LOT! I realized that after she said it. It's not a bad thing though; we all have words we say all the time! oh well back to what I was rambling about, I thought about her comments, tossed them around in my head and stood in front of a mirror inside my mind, seeing if they related to me in any way, and they did, which isn't a surprise since I did have Moez Masoud as a role model for me too, but then it wore off as I grew up and realized I was a different person.

That was written while I was in Aussie 16/8/2008 5:44 am to be exact!

To continue, I believe that role models aren't people we want to become, they are people we put as our standard for goodness and rightness, Moez Masoud is really my role model because I want to be able to do what he does, not come on TV, no I want to be able to say what I think and feel in a way that'll be understood and spread the message of Allah to reach everyone's hearts, I want to become calm, reassured and answer back without whiplashing my words by talking with the voice of reason.

I am reaching there faster – in my opinion- than many of my peers basically because I believe in learning from mistakes, never tripping on the same step twice, I am growing, and soon I'll be as good as or even better than Moez but why am I comparing myself to him when I am a totally different person? So I believe I'll be the best me there is.

Back to Allegra's book, it was maybe the only book that ever opened my eyes to see how we, the youth of the Muslim and Arab world are perceived. She didn't get to Saudi Arabia, but I'm pretty sure the picture is the same or at least a bit similar.

I haven't finished the book yet, though I'm more than halfway across is, I have to get interested again, that's me with books that aren't novels!

May Allah's mercy and love be upon All of you.

With all my love

IslamzReviver

how science screwed up!

How science screwed up!

Forget for a moment all the stuff they taught us in school and hear me out to the end.
Well don't forget all of it, bear with me, because I'm going to need some of the basic rules they told us.
Ok here goes nothing.
The first law they teach us about hot and cold, is that heat rises and coolness sinks ( goes down basically) yet, get on a plane and fly, the weather gets colder, I know there is a logical explanation to this, but I don't have time for it. Secondly, they teach us that there are no barriers in the sky, or else planes would smash into said barriers, however, go to south Africa in the summer, and you'd find it winter-y, and you'd simply freeze your fingers off! There is and explanation to that too, but who cares?! Why teach us a rule when reality tells you otherwise?!
I live in Jeddah, where in the summer; at least, people could literally die from humidity and heat. How is that possible?! Isn't heat supposed to rise and coldness sink?! Isn't it the concept that made freezers possible?! Why isn't Jeddah cold and wonderful? I know, there's and answer that starts with: the sun, but no matter, science and laws and physics screwed up. And that's all I've got to say.
Good day!
12:10 am
4/9/2008

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! al7amdulila

back on jeddah's soil, sent a wave of peace that washed over me.
There's something about the best city in the world.
it's comforting, calm (in a crazy way since there's nothing calm about jeddah or itz ppl! ), so many other beautiful adjectives, and most importantly HOME!
it's the place where i would - after touring the world- settle in.
i love Jeddah ( oh speaking of which, last night at the airport, i saw this AWESOME t-shirt, it was yellow and had (I Jeddah) in arabic, and i WANT IT!, could've asked the guy that was wearing it, but guessed that someone i know would know where i could get one!.
Australia was AWESOME, 21 days there and i am truly happy.
besides the fact that is 16.50 hours away, we had to change the plane 3 times, it was TOTALLY worth it!
the weather there was AMAZING too, a bit too cold for my liking but great never the less, at night it dropped to 17 or 15 though add the wind chil factor and the fact that i live in jeddah i was freezing my fingers off!
a week into the trip i still was freezing! i wore 6 shirts, a dress and a jacket on top of each other when we went to sydney cuz it is in the south which is even colder from surfers paradise,Gold coast where we stayed the first 9 days.
the only thing i regret not doing is bungy jumping.
i really wish i had.al7amdulila.i had a GREAT time
What was interesting is that even though it was really cold for me, it didn't stop the guys of the great Oz from surfing shirtless and walking around barefoot. :wink:
i felt retarded for wearing all the layers of the world, but i really was cold, comfort comes first in my book.
i talked in arabic so much this trip, which was weird for me, but still interesting, cuz simply , i didn't want the rest of the world listening on to my convos wth my sibilings and parents, plus it was funny trying to guess what the people around us thougt we were saying and how we'd sound to their ears.
plus i love the sound of my voice!
hehe, seriously, i talked myself out this trip, i loved it!
plus, on the plane from Dubai to here the cabin crew were spanish and i got to practise my favorite language :D

.... sigh, i'm tired,i'll finish this later
p.s IT IS GREAT TO BE BACK!

What it is..

The truth is..
I love my parents.
I love my mom,
I love my dad and nothing can change that ever.
their love is like the flowing river, ongoing and giving.
I beleive that today more than i ever did, i matured i guess.
Our parents are human,
though we do see them as superheroes that doesn't change the fact that they are not.
they may make mistakes, they may hurt us, but never on purpose, never.
why is it ok for us as their sons and daughters to make mistakes and make them forgive us, but it's not ok for them to make them too and we refuse to acknowledge their apoligies?
I love my parents
because they after Allah swt are the reason i am here in the world,
if my mom was another mom, my dad another dad, i wouldn't be me, i'd be somebody else.
they give us everything they have just for a smile and a nice word from us.
they love us to death and worry about us until we're old and grey.
we'll always be their kids, always be their reponsibilty no matter what age we become.
but as kids we are naturally selfish, we think that if we don't get that bag of chips or that fancy car or those beautiful pair of boots the world will end and our parents have failed to prove their love and they no longer care.
but that is not true, they do care, and to everything in the world there is a reason.
they have their reasons that we don't need to know about.
yes they may not have lived in the exact same situations w live in, but they were kids one day, and they did have contradictive feelings, they know what we're going through even if the events didn't exactly match, they did have peer pressure, they did have parents who didn't let them do things, they had friends who could, they had bullies, they had the same darn issues we have, just with a different mask.
we keep pushing our parents' buttons until they burst and explode, then we go and whine about how our parents are always angry, always say no and aren't cool like whatshisface's parents
but whatshisface's parents also have rules, they're simply DIFFERENT some things we may be allowed to do, he isn't and the things he's allowed to do we aren't!
it is completely INSANE to compare ourselves with other people's situations, bcause we aren't created alike!!
we are all DIFFERENT with different hopes different dreams and goals.
it's like comparing grapes with zuccini one's a fruit and the other is a vegetable, no one in his/her right mind can say, grapes are better than zuccini's, they're DIFFERENT.
Allah created each and every one of us with their own path, yes the destination is either Heaven or Hell, but still the path to their is UNIQUE FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.
i have my own demons and they are my own, no one can tell me they have them too, they have their own, no two people in the world are alike, not even twins, not the same feelings, not the same characteristics, nothing! so why do we tire ourselves and the world by trying to make everyone the same when we are so obviously not?!
sigh, there are rules for everything, but they are there for a reason.
for example, the sun comes up from the east, that is a rule, and when it no longer does, the world ends. simply that.
never drive intoxicated, that is a rule( for a moment forget that drinking alcohol and doing drugs is HARAM and understand the metaphor) and when that rule is broken people die, innocent people die.
etc. etc.!
rules aren't meant to be broken, they are to be lived by.
there are exceptions to every rule, but those exceptions aren't to be used on a daily basis!
break a rule, consequences will occur, whether they are inside the confines of one's home, at work or in the street, rules protect us.
they protect us from ourselves and the world.
they aren't to restrain us or contain us, they're to refine us, align us and remind us that there is more to life.
Salute,
Salam,
May Allah's blessings be upon All of you.

calm after the storm

so i did blow up.
it was extremely releiving!
i screamed my head off and had a headache the rest of the day
but i just couldn't take it
i didn't want to be run over and say i'm okay
the tears didn't stop till later
my heart calmed down after
and now when i look back i become so full of laughter
because now my heart doesn't hurt and my head isn't hot
i'm calm after the storm
i'm so glad i had fought

breathe in breathe out

in.desperate.need.of.ANGER.management
i fear i may blow up, off to pray, maybe that'll calm me

Taking it out on the keyboard!

Freedom's doors are closing, the light is getting fainter
I am angry but I can't do anything except cry and whimper
Running towards the doors; I am trying to go through
But the space that was wide and welcoming
Is now hard to keep open
I can't pass, my heart is broken
I know that I shouldn't cry or scream in frustration
That won't lead to anything except devastation
I am angry I am annoyed
Why must he do this?
Didn't he see we were over-joyed?
Or maybe that is why he decided to rip
My dreams into shreds
My freedom to bits
Why is he coming back?
I don't want to see him or sit
In front f him and pretend I'm ok
When in reality I want to scream profanities and run away
He used to give me financial security
But now it's just financial
Security went out the window years ago
I am going to work my hardest
And not waste a moment
Until I have my own money and rely on myself
I don't want him anymore
These are the last tears I shed because of him
My life will be bright no matter how much he tries to make it dim
I will not overflow
I will resist the anger that is on the brim
I won't be grim
I will grin
And kill him with my indifference
Rip his heart out with my joy
And then when I'm free
From life with him
I'll laugh with all my heart
And then my real life will start

URGh!

i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
simply......... i HATE him
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
Why can't he just stay where he is?!
Why does he have to ruin it for me?!
He can't stand a smile when it's not for or because of him!
jealous idiot :@
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
why won't he let me free?!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
my tears are running
my heart is beating
my blood is boiling
and i still
...don't want him back!

Responsibility

I don't not like resposibility, i'm just afraid of it.
i don't like letting people down, so i don't offer my services when they're needed or wanted.
i don't like being told what to do, so i refrain from being in situations where that is required to get the job done, i'm a great boss, but a somewhat lousy employee if i get pressured and have no space to be creative and roam free.
i like working at my mom's school, because she tells me her expectations then she gives me room to breathe and do my job, she doesn't breathe down my back or berate me about my work.
and now, i'm working at the summer club there i love it even more, there is more room for creativity and innovation, plus, the kids are AWESOME mashAllah.
today, i'm going to be teaching the little kids about diversity and how we all are special!
Wish me luck!
peace out!

Anger!!!! .. not anymore though!

Marriage rule for women to their husbands : If you want me to be home on time, provide the means!!
I hate the husbands that sit on their asses and expect their wives to be home on time when she doesn't have a car or driver to do so, then berate her about being late!
If you want me to be home on time dummy, either get off the couch and come get me, or get a car and a driver to do the job for you.
It makes me mad when i see my friends who are married and look for someone to drive them home to their dumb husbands, when said husband is sitting infront of the tv, she is pissed because he pissed her off, so she ends up pissing us all off!!
Lets say also, that us-the friends- are having a good time, our husbands are out of the country and we can stay up as long as we want, even turn it into a sleep-over party, why do we have to get out of our way ((yes we are her friends, but still, we have lives too!)) to drive the poor thing home?! i mean, where the hell is her husband?! sitting at home preparing a fight most probably!
When I get married, i'm not my parent's resposibility anymore, I'm my husband's. which means, my mom doesn't have to send me her driver, nor does my dad have to pay for stuff i want. that's where the guy i married comes in.
gtg 2 my grams house, continue later :D
peace out!

Sore...!

I have just recently, as of a few minutes ago when i opened my eyes, discovered that i am not a 'sleep on the floor' kind of girl!
slept in Mama's bedroom floor and now i ache all over. why didn't i sleep on the huge bed? well cuz i was being nice to my lil' sister, it's her turn :D and i want to make mama happy by seeking her company.
Anywhoo, off to write my novel , wish me luck :D

peace out!

Just a thought

I think I've talked about basically everything, well not everything everything... but the stuff that runs through my head.

now I'm getting deeper.


Today my topic is "Marriage"

Marriage is a partnership, not a hierarchy , so there are no ranks, there are equals, albeit different, but equals!
So just like men say : I'm the man of the house, I say I'm the woman of the house.
Just because I'm a girl doesn't make me weaker, meeker or less important.
I have the equal right to decide the fate of the family of the household like any man.
ma 3indi kalam "ana si alsayid!!"
If you're a Saudi male you'd laugh at me, if you're a Saudi female you'd sigh and say i wish :p
Because well, we're not oppressed as much as pissed at the way the guys of our world treat us.

It's not the system, it's the community, the upbringing.

Al7amdulila the world is changing and the women's voice is growing stronger, no longer are we afraid of males and their cruelty, rudeness and bad-ass behaviour.
Allah created us as leaders to make leaders, so no one has the right to tell us what to do!
Nice deduction huh?!
Yeah ! I'm planning on giving lectures!

Suck it boys!

Never settle for crumbs ladies...
Don't marry anybody
Marry a somebody
Someone that will make a difference in this world!
Someone that will be your shoulder when the weight of the world is on you.
Don't settle for crumbs
They never filled any one's belly
Nor have they given any satisfaction, well except for birds :D
We ain't birds!!
We're people that have needs, wants and ambitions
Crumbs won't sustain us!
A nice word might make a difference but a life of being alone with the world on our shoulders won't be affected with a rose or a box of chocolates, though the efforts are appreciated.
As leaders and as females we need appreciation, we need to feel that our efforts count for something, even though it is our duty in life.
It's a privilege to be connected to us ;)
It's an honor to be our partners
We are as strong as they come
We won't ever give up
And to our last breath we'll stand strong with those who need support
No word from any one will break us
We're warriors, with experience and strength carved into are systems
We aren't to be taken lightly
So next time a man disrespects a woman, he'll have hell to pay.
No more quietness or fear from us.
Expect the worse.
Expect the best
We're here to stay and you're here to pay!
Peace out ladies
Peace be with you Gentlemen.

NO One can be my boss :D

The law of the land in my world is this:
I am a lion in the family of lions...not just a lioness...i lead, and if needed i could lead with others too...but i will not be told what to do!
pretty simple huh? vital though.
Something to do with being in charge of my life
I'm no fool to the world around me.
I stand up for the oppressed
and stare down the unjust
I won't allow distrust
basically .... no one can be my boss
whether on the street, at work, or at home
I won't bend over and be meek
I am not weak
God gave me a voice to speak



peace :D

The Sky Isn't the limit...it's the first stop!

Never Settle for the moon, when you can have all the stars
Wipe away your tears, be proud of your scars
You are who you are because of the pain you went through
Amazing you are because of your determination to live and be the best you can
So never be ashamed, you stayed when others ran
Life is yours for the taking and the making
So live it to the extreeme, it's obstacles are worth breaking
Write your story the way you want it
One day a kid will read it and say: "I wanna be just like you"
At the end of this race called life
You'll be at the finish line, the winner through and through
Don't be blueAllah is always with you
He sends us clues
He sends us love and mercy
We just have to stop holding onto the world and hold onto Him
With his endless love and infinite power we have everything
You're bright not dim
So keep on living
Never stop fighting for what is yours and what is right
Paint our dark world bright
With life in your hand and Allah in your heart
You'll never lose sight
A Smile
A Wink
The worst'll pass in a blink
This is just the start of your amazing journey to greatness
Peace
Love
And a laugh full of joy
I wish you the Best.

YEAH!!!!!

Finally got all the apartments needed in aussie booked!
yay!
we are officially going, well i knew that a week ago when i had the glorious tickets in my hands :p
oh well, i have covered: tickets, domestic and int'l , accomodation and a list of places to go.
40 days left!!!!
can't wait!
oh my God! it's going to be 20.5 degrees there!
talk about freezing! ((to us jeddah ppl!))
i wana go bungee jump (i think i said that before!) sky diving, snowboarding, shark diving, skiing, snorkeling, extreeme theme park attraction riding! ((heard of WB's theme park? it is off the hook!))
what worries me is how to top this vacation next year!!
inshAllah i'll live :p to see it ((Joking ppl joking!))
but seriously this is my ultimate-adrenaline-crazy vacation i've been dreaming off for YEARS!!
and now ((thanks to Allah)) i'm getting it, but what about next year...hhmmmm, should start planning min da7een right?
sigh, i feel like if it wasn't for me wanting to travel always, we'd end up im Jeddah's scorching summer... and i know that's a bummer, no offense Jeddah, it's just that we end up staying at home or restricted to certain hours of freedom when the warden is gone. but Yay, he's coming back thins week, so i'll only have a few weeks of inmprisonment then Surfer's Paradise HERE I COME!!
o i dunno what clothes to pack!!!!
something stylish, to show the world the we muhajaba's aren't opressed or depressed! but dnt let them read my first posts!! hehe.
if it's as cold as Cape town 2 years ago when we went... i know what to wear :D
Signing off, to go to work... Honestly I'm Enjoying it Al7amdulila!
the girls i teach are AWESOME!
toodles,
Peace!

Currently My FAVORITE song

We Made It
By Busta Rhymes and Linkin Park

[Chester Bennington]
Together we made it We made it even though we had our backs up against the wall

[Busta Rhymes:]
As you can see it niggas i survived the worst but my life is glorious
But I know that I live to be hurdled and i'm so victorious
Take a look I'm a symbol of greatness now call Morpheus
As force accumalted the wind and but a believe I'm so notorious
Didn't know I've been buying my bread even though we rapping now (yes)
And now when you look on my trip and you a higher level tramping now
And Superseded everyone of my little struggles
And Failure has never ever been an option
A paper long like we was on and I'm about to take the hood shoppin, Get it!

[Chorus: Chester Bennington] (Busta Rhymes) *Mike Shinoda*
Together we made it (you see we did it niggas)
We made it even though we had our backs up against the wall (c'mon)
Forever we waited (haha!)
And they told us we were never going to get it but we took it on the road (through the riches)
on the road (through the ghetto)
on the roooooad (and the projects to this bangin instrumental)
on the road (ride with me) *yeah, yeah*
on the road (you come and get it) *yeah, yeah*
on the roooooooad *yeah, yeah, yeah, yo!*

[Mike Shinoda:]
When it all got started we was steadily just getting rejected
And it seemed like nothing we could do would ever get us respected
At best we were stressed, at the worst they probably said we're pathetic.
Had all the pieces to that puzzle just no way to connect it
And I was fighting through every ryhme tighting up every line
Never resting the question and I was out of my mind
And it finally came time to do it or let it die
So put the chips on the table and told 'em to let it ride sing it yeah!

[Chorus: Chester Bennington] (Busta Rhymes)
Together we made it (you see we did it niggas)
We made it even though we had our backs up against the wall (c'mon)
Forever we waited (haha!)
And they told us we were never going to get it but we took it on the road (through the riches)
on the road (through the ghetto)
on the roooooad (and the projects to this bangin instrumental)
on the road (ride with me)
on the road (you come and get it)
on the roooooooad

[Busta Rhymes:]
Look in case you misunderstanded exactly what I'm building
Shit that I could leave for my children (children) children (children)
Now I only wake up I smile to see how far I've come
Fighting for sales on a strip to get hustle from
From nights in jail on a bench using my muscles son
To count money like Dre, Jimmy and Russell Ones
But now I live when i dream, you see we finally did it
Let's make a toast to the hustle regardless how we get it Singing

[Chorus: Chester Bennington] (Busta Rhymes)
Together we made it (you see we did it niggas)
We made it even though we had our backs up against the wall (c'mon)
Forever we waited (haha!)
And they told us we were never going to get it but we took it on the road (through the riches)
on the road (through the ghetto)
on the roooooad (and the projects to this bangin instrumental)
on the road (ride with me)
on the road (you come and get it)
on the roooooooad



Linkin Park are THE BEST !
99% of their songs are Awesome, the rest i don't get.
the messages their music conveys is truly mind blowing!

Me

I sometimes wonder about myself
How my mind works and how my emotions function
it's pretty complicated
I think i'm a pretty confident strong person
but throw me into a new situation, it'll take me time to know how to deal with it.
I think my shyness is sometimes misinterpeted as arrogance or just awkwardness
and they aren't pretty :p
i wish i could say what i think without thinking, but other times i am thankful that i didn't say what whent through my mind! just because i would've embarrased myself to no end.
i wish i could've asked more than talked that way there would'nt be luls in the conversations i have with people.
take a deep breath honey, you ain't that bad, relax it's all good :D
i try to calm my mind down, stop over thinking things and assuming.
then i remember how impatient i am.
then i laugh at my mistakes!
laughing it off, makes it easier and harder at the same time.

lots of other things, but my overworked brain can't think.
must.go.to.sleep.
:p
peace out!

Stuffed!

Al7amdila had lunch
at Applbee's...
only ate buffalo boneless wings, bbq'd that is, but i am gna burst nonetheless!
DO NOT DRINK THE CHERRY LIMEADE it is HORRIBLE... only if u enjoy the candy that we ate as kids we jabatlana 9uda3!!
hehe
it was nice tho.
mama cudn't understand why i didn't eat... i explained to her this : when i'm happy, i don't and can't eat!.
hehe silly, but true!
asir prayer is in...
bbye

annoyed?!... pretty much!

CRASH!
that's the sound my mind made a few minutes ago..now i have a horrible headache and oi just remembered ino ma 7assant nafsi this morning!
no wonder i'm out-of-it!!
sigh... i'm gna do it now...
other than that..
i realized i really need to sleep, and that i haven't been doing any sleeping for the past month, besides the thing where i close my eyes at night and open them in the morning with nightmares in the middle, which isn't sleeping!!
but i can't cuz itz summer and everyone thinks that u have to be awake 24/7 jolly and jumpy...
i wana watch Persuasion again, that is a good movie, BBC made it so it's AWESOME! before my dad comes back from wherever he is and i have to be good again :D
not that i'm bad now, i'm just free to do, eat, talk, breathe however i want wherever i want, fe 7udood alsa7 we al3'alat DUH!!!
BRB GTG TO RED SEA MALL with my mom, which is pretty silly cuz i have striped fuschia and black socks on!!
silly
lunch at steak house yum yum!!!
toodles!!

Breathe... Baby.... Breathe

Breathe honey
It is very funny
why your heart is going crazy
and the world smells like a daisy
summer is here
and now you got your gear
to rip it up with fun
make it you're kingdom
live every moment
write every sensation
bask in the light of the scorching jeddah sun
turn into a roasted chicken
don't forget to run
and laugh with the wind ( marra ma3 nafsi... hawa jeddah ili yedawib alwajh!!!!)
pretend you're in ireland
in a castle by the sea
blowing out dandilions
in a 'i wish' spree!
smile pretty baby, you're officially free!



(well for 3 months that is, oh make that 2 months, ramadan is not a i am free thing, it's a OHMYGOD i gotta work on erasing my sins :p and thank allah for all the beautiful things)

Kaboom... Confetti!

Yay!
Only 3 more days and i will be breathing the air of freedom!
then 2 days and my summer job starts :D wish i could travel somewhere...
InshAllah going to Australia in 49 days :D hehehe!
Can't WAIT!!!!
ANYWAY...
one more final to go :D
wish me luck...
yeesh, just remebered that i have a novel to write, somehow i can't seem to do it right! you have to write the outline FIRST then the rest!!! apparently.. but i can't right an outline, you could give me 1000million books on the matter i still can't get it thru my head!!!
ooooh my sister just helped me thank u angel :P
oh well i want it to be done by the end of August...
it's been 6 years, no wonder my editor gave up on me :(
Sigh...
lets be positive :D
itz gna be AWESOME!!!!
InshAllah
yay!