Thursday, July 31, 2008

What it is..

The truth is..
I love my parents.
I love my mom,
I love my dad and nothing can change that ever.
their love is like the flowing river, ongoing and giving.
I beleive that today more than i ever did, i matured i guess.
Our parents are human,
though we do see them as superheroes that doesn't change the fact that they are not.
they may make mistakes, they may hurt us, but never on purpose, never.
why is it ok for us as their sons and daughters to make mistakes and make them forgive us, but it's not ok for them to make them too and we refuse to acknowledge their apoligies?
I love my parents
because they after Allah swt are the reason i am here in the world,
if my mom was another mom, my dad another dad, i wouldn't be me, i'd be somebody else.
they give us everything they have just for a smile and a nice word from us.
they love us to death and worry about us until we're old and grey.
we'll always be their kids, always be their reponsibilty no matter what age we become.
but as kids we are naturally selfish, we think that if we don't get that bag of chips or that fancy car or those beautiful pair of boots the world will end and our parents have failed to prove their love and they no longer care.
but that is not true, they do care, and to everything in the world there is a reason.
they have their reasons that we don't need to know about.
yes they may not have lived in the exact same situations w live in, but they were kids one day, and they did have contradictive feelings, they know what we're going through even if the events didn't exactly match, they did have peer pressure, they did have parents who didn't let them do things, they had friends who could, they had bullies, they had the same darn issues we have, just with a different mask.
we keep pushing our parents' buttons until they burst and explode, then we go and whine about how our parents are always angry, always say no and aren't cool like whatshisface's parents
but whatshisface's parents also have rules, they're simply DIFFERENT some things we may be allowed to do, he isn't and the things he's allowed to do we aren't!
it is completely INSANE to compare ourselves with other people's situations, bcause we aren't created alike!!
we are all DIFFERENT with different hopes different dreams and goals.
it's like comparing grapes with zuccini one's a fruit and the other is a vegetable, no one in his/her right mind can say, grapes are better than zuccini's, they're DIFFERENT.
Allah created each and every one of us with their own path, yes the destination is either Heaven or Hell, but still the path to their is UNIQUE FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.
i have my own demons and they are my own, no one can tell me they have them too, they have their own, no two people in the world are alike, not even twins, not the same feelings, not the same characteristics, nothing! so why do we tire ourselves and the world by trying to make everyone the same when we are so obviously not?!
sigh, there are rules for everything, but they are there for a reason.
for example, the sun comes up from the east, that is a rule, and when it no longer does, the world ends. simply that.
never drive intoxicated, that is a rule( for a moment forget that drinking alcohol and doing drugs is HARAM and understand the metaphor) and when that rule is broken people die, innocent people die.
etc. etc.!
rules aren't meant to be broken, they are to be lived by.
there are exceptions to every rule, but those exceptions aren't to be used on a daily basis!
break a rule, consequences will occur, whether they are inside the confines of one's home, at work or in the street, rules protect us.
they protect us from ourselves and the world.
they aren't to restrain us or contain us, they're to refine us, align us and remind us that there is more to life.
Salute,
Salam,
May Allah's blessings be upon All of you.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

calm after the storm

so i did blow up.
it was extremely releiving!
i screamed my head off and had a headache the rest of the day
but i just couldn't take it
i didn't want to be run over and say i'm okay
the tears didn't stop till later
my heart calmed down after
and now when i look back i become so full of laughter
because now my heart doesn't hurt and my head isn't hot
i'm calm after the storm
i'm so glad i had fought

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

breathe in breathe out

in.desperate.need.of.ANGER.management
i fear i may blow up, off to pray, maybe that'll calm me

Taking it out on the keyboard!

Freedom's doors are closing, the light is getting fainter
I am angry but I can't do anything except cry and whimper
Running towards the doors; I am trying to go through
But the space that was wide and welcoming
Is now hard to keep open
I can't pass, my heart is broken
I know that I shouldn't cry or scream in frustration
That won't lead to anything except devastation
I am angry I am annoyed
Why must he do this?
Didn't he see we were over-joyed?
Or maybe that is why he decided to rip
My dreams into shreds
My freedom to bits
Why is he coming back?
I don't want to see him or sit
In front f him and pretend I'm ok
When in reality I want to scream profanities and run away
He used to give me financial security
But now it's just financial
Security went out the window years ago
I am going to work my hardest
And not waste a moment
Until I have my own money and rely on myself
I don't want him anymore
These are the last tears I shed because of him
My life will be bright no matter how much he tries to make it dim
I will not overflow
I will resist the anger that is on the brim
I won't be grim
I will grin
And kill him with my indifference
Rip his heart out with my joy
And then when I'm free
From life with him
I'll laugh with all my heart
And then my real life will start

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

URGh!

i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
simply......... i HATE him
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
Why can't he just stay where he is?!
Why does he have to ruin it for me?!
He can't stand a smile when it's not for or because of him!

jealous idiot :@
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
why won't he let me free?!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
i don't want him back!
my tears are running
my heart is beating
my blood is boiling
and i still
...don't want him back!
 

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