No Darling it's not a trick of the light

Yes!
you are truly seeing it! it never happened before this,
all the ppl on the "perfection list" are removed!
finally they have paled, withered, shriveled and died a quiet painless death.
with this dramatic bomb I Bid you -whoever reads this- aduei.
au revoir
Bon voyage
adios
hasta la vista

Once, not too long ago, though it sure feels like it, I was called a hypocrite
I didn't understand why, but a year later I understood
It wasn't that I said something and did another, no.
It was because I saw a situation I considered wrong
and then I found myself in a similar one and didn't see anything wrong with it.
Point is; don't preach about something you haven't the foggiest idea about.
***
Apparently Dunhill's are the best cigarettes
Davidoff's are the worst
Marlboro's are a solid trademark
And indonesians make the worst cigarettes
I dunno if it's true,
That's what I've been told
***
I hate it when beautiful people (namely guys) smoke
It breaks my heart
I want to say: noooooooo give that cig to Ugly standing next to you!
***
To be brutally honest: I fantasize about smoking; even tho I know its unhealthy
Notice I said 'fantasize' as in I have NEVER put a cigarette to my lips
Everytime I want to try it I worry about two things:
1- that I'll like it
2- that I'll lose all respect for myself
Which is why I don't and hopefully won't ever smoke
***
I don't want to marry a smoker
Simply because the furniture, clothes, body odor, bags, basically everything will stink of smoke
It'll be like making out with an ashtray
And inhaling toxic fumes in a lab.
Oh and smoking includes: shisha, m3assil, cigarettes, cigars, pipe and hash
***
I just had icecream at an icecream bar at a wedding! It was awesome!
Then to balance I got fruit salad later.
***
I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
Tonight I actually 'felt' beautiful
Ma sha Allah
Its amazing what blowidrying my hair does to my confidence
I feel 'hot'!
*giggle*
Makeup too! Its like it gave me power. Added to the dress.
I feel like I could withstand any blow
(Well not really but right now I believe so)
Though I could you know, withstand any effort to squash me
Because I'm no longer a soldier fighting someone else's battle
I'm a warrior and the war I go into is for truth love and honor
I don't need to fight to survive.
I exude power, calm and love
***
Love conquers all (emotions that is, God conquers all!)
***
Thinking of sleeping in my dress,
but it aint that comfortable, so no, gotta get up and to bed in 'jammies
***
I bid you
Bonne nuit
Au reviore

scattered thoughts

I wish I was comfortable in my own skin
I never was and never will be apparently
***
I'm pretty but not beautiful
Smart but not witty
And until someone geniuenly convinces me otherwise I can't seem to see it any other way.
***
I've never been carefree, but maybe careless
I'm sweet and never callous
***
I have yet to meet the man of my dreams
The one who's imperfections fit in the puzzle of my life
The one who was created for me
I'm not daft in thinking that it'll be easy that there won't be tears and pain
Because I know there'll be love and joy to eclipse the sorrow that may descend
***
It's been said-mainly by me- that I am contradictory
In truth I am very much so, I might hate something with vengance yet love it with equal fervor
I might forbid myself something yet yearn for it feverishly
***
I've been thin but never skinny
I only notice that because of how much I loathe how I look now
That I have now willpower to get up and excersize
That even when I found the solution hurdles are thrown in my path
I love pilates, it helped me grow emotionally and physically
I had the perfect body
But pilates was 250 a class
3 times a week meaning 750 riyals a week and 3000 riyals a month
Money I don't have (hate)
So I choose horseback riding
It was 50 riyals a day 3 times a week = 150 riyals a week 600 riyals a month
Verrrrry reasonable!!!!
But nooooooooooo
Baby bro HAD to hate it, my sis's horse got sold and she didn't like any other
My mom was ok either way
And dad well didn't 'feel' like it anymore
Apparently the whole family bar mom saw that sitting infront of the tv
And getting fatter and lazier was better
God I hate this.
***
I wish I were breathtakingly enchanting
***
I wish I had coherent thoughts
But all that's there is babble.

My Dream

I Want To Be One With The Heavens, on a bike.
i want a Kawasaki!!!

My Favorite Quote

John Keating: We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? ~Dead Poets Society

I LOVE...

Stephanie Laurens!!!!!!

she's amazing!

Here's a paragraph from her book Tangled Reins :

"Almost instantly Buchanan was bodily plucked from her and thrown roughly against the wall. In

considerable surprise he slid down to sit on the floor, his legs splayed out in front of him and an idiotic look on his face. Desborough, adjusting the set of his coat before offering his arm to Dorothea, turned at the last moment to say, 'Be thankful it was me and notPeterborough, Walsingham, or, God forbid, Hazelmere. Any of those three and you would be nursing rather more bruises and, very likely, a few broken bones as well. I suggest, Mr Buchanan, that you trouble Miss Darent no longer.' And, with that, he ushered a deeply grateful Dorothea back into the ballroom.
The upshot was that Hazelmere's friends never, ever, left her unattended again, whether in the ballroom, the Park, or any other gathering of the fashionable."



she makes me laugh, makes me cry and has confrmed my beleif that a book is the best partner one could ever have!

White Horse- Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry

That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Baby I was naíve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance,
My mistake, I didn't know,
To be in love you had to fight to get the uppper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't our fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.
Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Oh
It's too late
To catch me now



 God this is so true
It hurts that it is!

You make it hard to love you.

You make it hard to love you.
You effin sad person
You make it hard to like you
You weak weakling
You're weak inside and out
Your issues have issues
Your issues' issues have issues
You are the impersonation of loss
I can't hate you and I can't like you
You make it hard to love you.

30/10/2009
6:06 pm

My wedding song

I have realized that I truly

I have realized that I truly
Samja neho belkol neho!!!!!!!!
Life makes absolutely no sense
People make no sense
Love and hate make no sense
Happiness and sadness make no sense
I don't understand anything anymore.
Breathing and suffocating collide
Heartbreaking and soulpatching run together
Life and death interchange
Fighting and peace making aren't speaking to each other
The world is on fire and yet it's cold as iced water
I could go on forever and ever
But see I'm energized and restless those two come together
In a marrige designed by humans
Who forgot what holy and pure is.
Who have made everything crude and pointless
Even laughter is now humorless
So yes.
I am restless filled with energy that I can't explain.
I want to vent it out but I've failed miserably.
Strength I never knew I had I cannot contain
My only entertainment is in reading some novel that leaves me wonderig
if such things exist.
Or have we killed all truth with our vanity and slain purity with our
ignorance?!
We know of sinning but not repentance
Even when we do we Take it for granted
I'm stopping now for I have ranted
The boredom to death and now feel a good amount of calmness so I'll go
breathe it and dance to it's tune
I'm immune
To stupidity and indirectness
If I wanted you I would have acted
But apparently the world is childish and immature
Selfish and bored
Am I the only mature person in this lost world?!
Deep breathe exhalation I'm not damaged
Scarred beyond anyones imagination
But I've risen from the ashes
Like the pheonix
I've got secret magic.
Sit and wonder
You'll never have it.

Random random
Drama drama drama!!!!

Love y'all
Peace

I am destined to be a rapper :)
6:40 pm
27-10-2009

My favorite song!!!!!!!

FireFlies
Owl City

Lyrics | Owl City lyrics - Fireflies lyrics

Got some rain

Got some rain
Got some sun
And I've smiled to everyone
I'm on top of the world
I feel as pretty as diamonds and pearls
Love is here
Love is now
I'm too happy I can't frown
But I'm missing you.
Lulu, I really miss u.
Allah is fair.
So we'll survive life
And thrive
I swear.

something im pondering

I finished my tale and looked at him and he was as still as a statue; then without warning he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight, I started crying onto his shirt trying to get rid of all the hurt and pain.
“Oscar? I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say all this” I sad between sobs.
“Shhhh honey, it’s okay, I’m here, don’t cry” he kept me in his arms, rocking me gently.

Absolutely positively happy!

Dunno why?
Maybe it's cause I saw my brother and bestfriend for a good 30minuyes
since Ramadan ?
No wonder my eid was sucky.
Anywhooooo guess what he got me as a pre-eidgift?!
The latest album for OUTLANDISH!!!! the greatest band on the face of
the EARTH!
It's called Sound of a Rebel
check it out you guys it is Awesome!
Love you mera bhai!!
You're my favorite Dost.
Allah yehfathak ya rab ameen!
Peace out everybody!
Oh and a belated EID MUBARAK!
may Allah bless all ur days with laughter joy and love

P.s going to relish this happiness before more
Drama
Drama
Drama!
that is bound to arrive!

Bye for now!
A happy diamond!

Lalalalalala

Lalalalalala
That's what I feel like today
Lalalalalala
I feel like a helium ballon high and floaty
December 31 2008 3:06 pm

I need hot food!

I need hot food!

I hate my life

I hate my life
Wow! Something new and different for me yay! Ugh.
I realized I am nothing; I add nothing and I subtract nothing
I give nothing I take nothing
I gain nothing I lose nothing (unless you count my soul which is
breaking apart sliver by sliver)
I inhale nothing I exhale nothing
I can't laugh nor can I cry
I am barely living that I wish I could just die
I want to leave this wretched lifestyle I'm in and start all over
Laugh love and live
...
What adds nothing subtracts nothing?
Nothing = me.
3:11 am
4-sept-2009

I have a dillema I hope you - the wonderful people who read my blog- could help me with.

I have a dillema I hope you - the wonderful people who read my blog-
could help me with.
I'm getting and eid gift from my best friend, and i've been given the
choice between a blackberry or an iPhone and I chose blackberry, then
we were talking and he mentioned cameras and I said I was wishing for
a professional one and he -may ALLAH bless him ma sha ALLAH- said 3ala
keyfik. Al3eed Hada utlob we atmanna so what should I do?
Blackberry or camera?
Put in mind that I'm not allowed to carry a camera phone in the
wonderful-being sarcastic- university of mine, so I'd be leaving BB at
home.
Please respond!!
Love u all

Miss rough diamond.

Heartache

Heartache
There's a whole in my heart
Or is there an empty place
Where it's hollow
Air flows through it making it cold
And filling it with sorrow
There's an echo
In my chest
Of The heartbeat that manages to escape the vise that is crushing my
heart
I wish I could laugh but all I'm doing is crying
(how can it be eid if I'm thinking of dying?)
I want to stand tall and scare away my fears
But all I do is lie down under my covers and shed tears
I hate with the venom of a vampire
I hate with blindness that causes fire
I want to breathe without tasting blood
I want to laugh without the tears that flood
I wish I was somewhere else
I wish I was away from this evil place
I want to have my own world
Where I would plant roses and lilac and lilies
Where I'd make marmalade and cupcakes and jellies
A place where i'd dress up as a princess or a fairy
Read stories to children and eat strawberries
I want a world where there's no war of who's in control
I want to be free as free as the butterfly
To be able to fly from flower to flower filling the world with
laughter and color
Infusing it with sweetness and joy
I want I want I want...
What I want is simple what I want is right
What I want is acheivable if only I could fight
Fight the shackles that hold me in place
The ones that burn my wrists and ankles
The hatred that burns my heart is because of him
My own personal warden
The one God gave me as a test
He-the warden- is manipulative and sneaky
Controlling and has no mercy
Selfish and cruel
He does nothing if it has no personal gain to him
I know I said "I nothing him"; but he's alwas in my face, poking me
with his warden's stick
Provoking me to react; I dont at first
But after being shoved into a corner spat at and bruised
I have to react; howl scream and shout:
I hate you
You evil monster
Why are you here?
Leave me alone
He snickers them smiles in the smile he tricks everyone with
I cannot leave you my love I cannot stop because I love you
No one will ever love you more than me
You must beleive that
For I do not lie
He walks sways his heels clicking with his steps
NO! my mind responds do not beleive him he's a liar. You will be loved
Someone is out there looking for you
He'll come, be patient, be hopeful
The tears that clogged my throat fell from my eyes
Like rivers
I turned to the east
Put my forehead to the cold prison cell floor
and cried my heart out to the one who created us all
Oh Allah send him please
Send the one who'll love me and cherish me here and in heaven too
Send him soon

He's not the solution my mind tells me
I know he isn't but I want to know what it feels like to be loved I
reply

Oh Allah I continue to pray
I can't bear this life
Where I dread the day
I want to die
Take me to you
I don't want to cry
Take me where there's no jealousy or hate
Where cruelty is unheard of
Where laughter and love reign
Where there is no pain

Oh Allah give me the strength to forgive the weak who poke at me
Give me the power to forget the ill and evil that has been done to me
Be my strength for I have none
Be my wealth so I needn't need anyone

September 23 2009
3:35 am

I want to get rid of you

I want to get rid of you
To be free of you
To be able to breathe without your suffocating presence
Even when u aren't here you manage to choke the life out of me
I despise you too much to waste my time on hating you.
I nothing you
And that's what kills you.
Goodbye you
I hope your venom gets sucked before you prey on someone else.

A recap... Slash that

A recap... Slash that, im not Going over what I've been through
before! It was horrible the first time around, no need to revisit
horribleville.

Here're the highlights of the past month:
1-I went crazy fast on a jetski at aldurra in my red gap jeans
It was Awesome, Ima buy myself a jetski before I turn 25! In sha Allah
2- on the said jetski I Attempted a tight turn while going so very
fast and obviously flipped 360 into the water IT WAS GREAT my cousin
and I were cracking up! Dude it was fantastic! They thought we were
nuts!
3-while we were laughing our butts off her crocs was floating away and
I swam towards it like a sloth and everybody started laughing at us
because we weren't going after our jetski instead! Our other two
cousins got it for us.
4- when I got to shore Noor asked me where my glasses were, i didn't
realize they were gone until that moment!
5- my 20th birthday 1600 riyal glasses are now residing at the bottom
of aldurra's waters!
6-I am now wearing contacts daily!
7- went to Makkah a few days ago and tried the public transportation
there it was FANTASTIC ma sha Allah! Very organized, clean and
coordinated!
8- am in Love with Indian everything!
I'm thinking of going to university on the first day in a shirwal-kamis
9-shahid kapur is absolutely AWESOME!
10-Bollywood kicks Hollywood's ASS!
11- I want to see the following movies (after Ramadan of course!):
The soloist
Inglorious basterds
Public enemies
Cloudy with a chance of meatballs
500 days of summer
Fighting
Jodha Akbar
Mujshi dosti karogi
And many others!

5:01 pm
27 august 2009

If only...

If only...

If only I wasn't so emotional
I wouldn't have built this wall

If I was courageous
I would stand tall

Hate is burning like acid through my veins
Inflicting excruciating pain

I don't understand why or how
But I do know now

That my life is a play
A game of pretend

And it will extend
Until my body is one with the earth and my soul is in heaven.

Happy stuff

Today was my 2nd day as a trainee at the IMC hospital.
This week i'm at phlebotomy. It's loads of fun and I like that I'm
interacting with all sorts of people.
There are kids who scream and give migranes and others who cry silently.

Some old men are really nice they prayed for me Allah yewafigik
Today I met the first young guy he got onto my friends nerves. Ga3ad
yestahbil. I wamted to laugh but didn't cuz he'd probably think I was
flirting.

The people in phlebotomy are Awesome.
There's Fatima and Sabreena. Renel is the guy who orders stuff for the
labs and then there are various porters who send the samples we've
taken down to the lab to have tests run on them.
I never thought I'd have this much fun working at a hospital.

Al7amdulila!
bye

So many things run through my head simeltaneously

So many things run through my head simeltaneously
Hate and love race through my veins side by side
I want to stand tall yet cower and hide
Contradictions so many of them lead my life
I don't care but I do
I want to cry
But my heart is ice
I think I don't have feelings but then my heart beats slower and I
can't breathe
The tears that never came block my throat.

What is it about you that makes me mad?

What is it about you that makes me mad?
What is it that makes me sad?
Is it your arrogance?
Or it is the fact that you r as ignorant as a blind man about colors?
You have no idea how horrible you are
You live in the illusion of perfection
You think you're god's gift to mankind
You think I'm a possesion of yours
I'm not!
I'm a creation of God's
And to Him I'll ultimately belong
I'm a free spirit
Bound in an earthly vessel
I don't belong here, I belong there
In paradise.
So don't ask me of things I cannot give you
My heart isn't mine to give
Leave me alone
Please:
Let
me
Go!
Stop this insane obsession!
I
Don't
Want
You!
Get
That
Through
Your
Head!
Goodbye!!

P.S it's not you! Don't obsess!

When will it stop?

When will it stop?
This lonliness that ebbs and flows
When will my sorrow end?
I can no longer pretend
That I'm okay.
Have I ruined every chance of meeting you?
By telling the world about you?
Did I make a mistake?
I'd take it back.
I wouldve kept it a secret
But I wanted everyone to know that you're real
I thought it would make you come faster
That you'd hear them talking about you and come to me
Why aren't you here?!

The greatest song in the world!

Breakeven- The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in (ok so this line isn't rite, i pray to a God i do beleive in)
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
what am I suppose to say when i'm all choked up and you're OK
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop me bleeding
Cos she moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it dont break even

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sence of what little remains
Cos you left with no love, with no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god i don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
No it don't break, no it dont break even, no

A Message From George Carlin

This is a masterpiece. If you have not read it take the time to
read it now. If you have read it take time to read it again!
GEORGE CARLIN (He recently)


Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write
something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more
experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much,smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much,and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too
much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and
small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days
of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are
days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night
stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to
quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and
nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to
you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just
hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. An embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to other people....Who cares?

George Carlin

Tough Questions

I came across this joke on one of my iPhone apps and thought you might like it...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Supreme Court nominee Judge Sonia Sotomayor is going to get tough questions from senators during her confirmation hearings.

But I think she'll be fine. I mean, this is a woman who spent her whole life in the courtroom, so she's used to being around criminals.

- Jay Leno

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Late Night Jokes by iPhunny

My New Favorite Song and New Fave TV Show

The Lyrics:

( The Song is by Pink - Please Don't Leave Me)

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da da-da da

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da da-da
I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is... broken

Da da da-da da
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise

Da da da-da da
Please don't leave me
Da da da-da da
[ Pink Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Please don't leave me
Da da da-da da
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I can't be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry.

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da da-da da
Please, please don't leave me

Baby please don't leave me
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no
You say I don't need you but it's always gonna come right back,
It's gonna come right back to this.
Please, don't leave me.
No.
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me

A point.

I made a point a while ago not to dissect anyone on my blog, as in publicly...
but I am itching to do so....
God this person makes me sooooooo angry...
I want to scratch his eyes out and scream.
he is so selfish!
he won't let us travel on our own cuz the selfish ************* knows we are gonna have SO MUCH FRIGGIN FUN WITHOUT HIM!
GOD he is such a ( i want to curse) insecure ********
i hate him, my blood boils.
god i wish i was somewhere else.
living life my way not under this control freak .
i absolutely positively hate my life at the moment.
shit **** crap.
Bye.
i am gna commit emotional suicide.

Gaspard... My heart goes wild :p

hehe!!

i am on something i'm sure, the buzz i'm feeling is amazing!!

anyway! saw this and i fell in love again.

Gaspard Ulliel ...i might die if i ever meet u in real life!

ah, the majeek of z french!

hehe

i decided it beats spanish *but dont tell anyone!*

Wish you were here

You stood there
Unaware that I was approaching
The soft breeze picked up
Making your hair fall on your midnight blue eyes
I couldn't help but envy it.
I envy the wind, it gets to be around you all the time.
You pushed the strands back
And saw me.
That's when I forgot everything.
When the air I breathed became and afterthought
When my heartbeats stopped
My insides melted
I knew that now it was OK to die
You smiled
My favorite smile
The one that took away all my sadness away
Then you opened your arms
Just for me
I ran into them
I thanked Allah for creating you for me.
You wrapped me in a blanket of love and security
I never want to leave.
...

please come, what's taking you so long my blue eyed prince?

Ramblings...

I don't own a bikini

nor have i ever tried one one that is

but I want to.

don't get me wrong,

it would be interesting to have one,

not that i would ever wear it

maybe in my room with the lights off and the door locked

i think every girl should own one

for fun.

it's like owning a 100 carat diamond ring

you're not going to wear it everywere

but every now and then you'd put it on

it makes you feel good and pretty

then you put it back in the box

lock the vault

and bask in the memory of it shining on your finger

a bikini can do that on a lower scale.

i want a bikini as motivation too

to boost my self-esteem when i'm feeling ugly and fat.

which is pretty much how i feel lately,

sigh

i gotta buy me a bikini.

p.s. sorry for the visual :p

My dream

My heart skipped a beat, I saw his eyes, the love and happiness there mirrored my own, I wanted to run into his arms and stay there forever, the aisle was too long, the distance seemed to be endless, an orchestra was playing, but I didnt hear a thing... just the heartbeats that sang his name ~ My hormones are taking over, making me depressed... God i'm pathetic...


did i ever mention that love songs make me cry?
or that i secretly envy every lovey dovey couple i see in real life or on tv or anywhere!

i hate the green monster!

Man of my dreams...Literally!

I beleive, i truly truly beleive, that the man of my dreams, the one who will take my breath away ( in the romantic sense!) looks exactly like, or is ( dreaming eh?) Gaspard Ulliel:
i just saw the movie A Very Long Engagement and Man! do the french know their movies! it is AWESOME! anywhoo i loved him before the movie, and well if you're reading this Purple, you'll understand my obsession with blue eyes!
Enjoy!
if you look up Eye-candy in the dictionary, you'd find his picture next to it!
Depression session DEFFINITELY over!!
Thanks Gaspard!
:p
P.S. Purple, the last image the one in the tux is the one i saw...you know. it started this! LOL!

Letting My Depression Go

This post is probably what has made me so depressed lately
I'm going to write it, even though a big part of me is begging me not to.


Every time I remember you the image gets fainter
Like an old text book its papers are flaky and fragile.


I am forgetting
The way your voice touched my soul


I am forgetting
Your face when it cracked a joke


I am missing
The part of me that was for you


Its not your fault
Neither is it mine

It isn't us
It just wasn't the right time

I wish I could do it over
Without going back

Because if I did
I'd make the same mistakes over again


Getting over you was the hardest
The stampede of rhinos in my tummy are no longer there
They left with the setting sun


I miss you in the sense that nothing seems to be right
I miss you like the day misses the night


I wake up from my dreams in fright
I have nightmares and can't speak of them


Maybe it's the loneliness that is speaking
Maybe it's my own stupidity that is typing


Remember when i told you
"I'm not holding my breath" ?
Well it turns out I am
I've turned blue
I don't dare exhale
I would shatter
And every seam in my heart
Would split open again
Gushing anguish and hurt into my veins


Nothing would change, not here not now... I know that.
But maybe in a parallel universe
There'd be a place that could accommodate me and you


Sometimes I wish this world wasn't so screwed up
With stupidity and rules that make no sense
And that I didn't have to have diamond walls for defense



I miss you
That's all I want to say
I hope you can understand my warped way of thinking
I think you did
That's why your presence was so valuable
And the hurt from losing you is so tangible
I can't bring you up in a topic without being vague
Or else all hell will break loose


Seriously I think I'm in a lifelong noose.


Raz ma taz
C'est la vie I guess.


We'll get what we want in the end in sha Allah

But until then...


Sigh

All I can do is pray... (which, between you and I, is the most powerful thing in the world)

My arabic attempt

بالرغم من تتابع النكبات تظل الورود تتفتح

فتملا روحي بعبق الأمل

تجسد الورود - على رقتها- النضال المستمر

"كأنها تقول لظلام الهموم :"لا أخاف ، فالصبح قادم لا محال وسيمسح وجودك المعتم من وجه السماء

ما رأيكم؟

Hee Hee!!!

Honestly i blocked my simcard accidently and that's why i didnt get the great happy birthday messages all you awseome friends sent me!!!
soo THANK YOU!!!
Love y'all!


Peace out!

happy birthday to me *chachacha*

happy birthday to me *chachacha*
happy birthday to me *chachacha*
happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeee!
Yes it is true!
today i have turned 21!!!!
shocking is it not?!
hee hee
my favorite number is 8 maybe cuz i was born in '88?!
anyway, i accept gifts in any shape or form all year long not just on my birthday.
Love you All!

peace out!

I hate this shit

god god! if i marry someone like this guy i will truly die... the following rambling are about someone whom i will not declare who, btu i need to let this out.
i cannot for the life of me understand why he does this!
i am the only person after her that always always respects him!
and i am not allowed to take a break, to just not have to kiss ass and be super dooper nice and cute!
i hate this shit!
so what if i didnt go wild when he came home today and rush and greet him?
so what if i was tired and angsty
yeesh!
if you cant be comfortable around your own flesh and blood what hope do you have in surviving in the world!
i hate this shit!
it is so tiring being the good girl all the time.
shit...my aunt's mother in law just died and this blog seems so ridiculous!
the woman was soo amazing!
i loved her so much!
but no tears are coming... shit i really am a heartless biyatch!
this is soooooooooo upsetting.
i am the most idiotic person in the world!
Allah help me.


sigh
i hate this shit.

the most awesome comic in the world!

Total girl stuff!

There is something to be said about a guy (or guys) that look hot in
thobes!
It's the equivalent of a guy lookig hot in a tux!

Not everyone can pull it off.

I mean you can get guys to look presentable, but not mouthwatering!
The guy I want to marry is one that'll look drop dead gorgeous in both!

Sigh,
Until that day comes I shall keep praying.

Today 3 girls fatanooni, well if you can call them girls, honestly they were the hottest guys I've seen in my life, too bad they're not playing for my team! Joking joking

Today 3 girls fatanooni, well if you can call them girls, honestly
they were the hottest guys I've seen in my life, too bad they're not
playing for my team! Joking joking
Honestly I think it is totally wrong to have girls like that in my
university( if u dnt know, we're an All girls university) so, it is
very disconcerting!!
I mean you know they have the female body parts, and they try to sound
rough but they are girls!!! It's like a facade, a lie. It irks me not
because for a moment I thought they were actually guys, but because
it's i3tirad 3ala mashee2at Allah! It's like spitting at Allah's gift
and rejecting it.
I want to know what is so bad about being a girl? Huh? What is so
horrible? What is so disgusting about being a girl that they immitate
guys in their mannerisms looks and charm?
No offense to males, you're our other half.
These girls wreck havoc with the equilibrium of the world. Maybe they
don't to it intentionally.
I'm totally heterosexual and I had to do a double take to make sure
they're not guys!
Very confusing!!
I guess it is a my own April fools day trick. The trick is on me.

Sigh
Sitting at ali3jaz al3ilmi conference at Dar alhekma.
8:48pm
1-April-2009

My Visual Personality

Your Emotional Type
Friends and family are the most important people in your life. You're good about keeping track of birthdays, people appreciate that you care about them.

Your Intellectual Type
Checking out an art gallery or concert is your idea of a good time. Friends turn to you when they want to know what's going on in town.

Your Physical Type
Sunny days are not lost on you. If you get the chance, you hit the beach or the mountains to enjoy the fresh air.

Took a test to see what Passion Type I am

Your Passion Type
You mix passion with pragmatism
Key Traits: open, sensitive, balanced, empathetic, loyal, thoughtful Introspective and self-aware, you have a solid grip on your emotions. Your friends and family consider you "the rock" they can turn to and lean on during tough times. Part of that trust comes from the fact that you always try your best to say what you mean and mean what you say. This is part of your healthy outlook on life, love and work. Hard work is important, but remember to listen to your instinct when it tells you to take a step back and enjoy the quiet moments. There are certain things that you will always be passionate about, whether it's a certain cuisine, a type of music, or a particular sport. On the flipside, there are also things that will never interest you. But that's OK. Your romantic partner appreciates your unwavering sensibility, your balanced temperament, and consistent signs of love and care.

True!

قييم نفسك مع هذا المقياس

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

روي أن سيدنا طلحة الأنصاري رضي الله عنه

كان يصلي في بستانه ذات يوم ورأى طيرا يخرج من بين


الشجر فتعلقت عيناه بالطائر حتى نسي كم صلى,

فذهب إلى الطبيب صلى الله عليه واله وسلم يبكي ويقول :

((يا رسول الله , إني انشغلت بالطائر في البستان حتى نسيت كم صليت ,

فإني أجعل هذا البستان صدقة في سبيل الله ..

فضعه يا رسول الله حيث شئت لعل الله يغفر لي))




وهذا أبو هريرة رضي الله عنه يقول :

إن الرجل ليصلي ستين سنة ولا تقبل منه صلاة ,

فقيل له : كيف ذلك؟ فقال: لا يتم ركوعها ولا سجودها ولا قيامها ولا خشوعها




ويقول سيدنا عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله عنه :

إن الرجل ليشيب في الإسلام ولم يكمل لله ركعة واحدة!!

قيل : كيف يا أمير المؤمنين قال : لا يتم ركوعها ولا سجودها




ويقول الإمام أحمد بن حنبل رحمه الله :

يأتي على الناس زمان يصلون وهم لا يصلون

, وإني لأتخوف أن يكون الزمان هو هذا الزمان!! فماذا لو أتيت إلينا يا إمام لتنظر أحوالنا ؟؟





ويقول الإمام الغزالي رحمه الله :

إن الرجل ليسجد السجدة يظن أنه تقرب بها إلى الله سبحانه وتعالى ,

ووالله لو وزع ذنب هذه السجدة على أهل بلدته لهلكوا ، سئل كيف ذلك ؟؟

فقال : يسجد برأسه بين يدي مولاه , وهو منشغل باللهو والمعاصي والشهوات وحب الدنيا ...

فأي سجدة هذه ؟؟




وانظر إلى الرسول صلى الله عليه واله وسلم ...

كانت عائشة رضي الله عنها تجده طول الليل يصلي

وطول النهار يدعو إلى الله تعالى فتسأله : يا رسول الله أنت لا تنام؟؟

فيقول لها (( مضى زمن النوم ))




ويقول الصحابة : كنا نسمع لجوف النبي وهو يصلي أزيز كأزيز المرجل من البكاء؟؟




وقالوا ... لو رأيت سفيان الثوري يصلي لقلت :

يموت الآن ( من كثرة خشوعه )؟؟




وهذا عروة بن الزبير (( واستمع لهذه)) ابن السيدة أسماء أخت السيدة عائشة رضي الله عنهم ...

أصاب رجله داء الأكلة ( السرطان ) فقيل له :

لا بد من قطع قدمك حتى لا ينتشر المرض في جسمك كله , !

ولهذا لا بد أن تشرب بعض الخمر حتى يغيب وعيك .. فقال :

أيغيب قلبي ولساني عن ذكر الله ؟؟

والله لا أستعين بمعصية الله على طاعته ..

فقالوا : نسقيك المنقد ( مخدر ) فقال :

لا أحب أن يسلب جزء من أعضائي وأنا نائم ,

فقالوا : نأتي بالرجال تمسكك ,

فقال : أنا أعينكم على نفسي . قالوا : لا تطيق .

قال : دعوني أصلي فإذا وجدتموني لا أتحرك

وقد سكنت جوارحي واستقرت فأنظروني حتى أسجد ,

فإذا سجدت فما عدت في الدنيا , فافعلوا بي ما تشاءون !!

فجاء الطبيب وانتظر, فلما سجد أتى بالمنشار فقطع قدم الرجل ولم يصرخ بل كان يقول : .. لا إله إلا الله ..

رضيت بالله ربا وبالإسلام دينا وبمحمد نبيا ورسولا ..

حتى أغشي عليه ولم يصرخ صرخة ,,

فلما أفاق أتوه بقدمه فنظر إليها وقال :

أقسم بالله إني لم أمش بك إلى حرام , ويعلم الله , كم وقفت عليك بالليل قائما لله..

فقال له أحد الصحابة : يا عروة .. أبشر .. جزء من جسدك سبقك إلى الجنة فقال :

والله ما عزاني أحد بأفضل من هذا العزاء ..




وكان الحسن بن علي رضي الله عنهما إذا دخل في الصلاة ارتعش واصفر لونه ..

فإذا سئل عن ذلك قال : أتدرون بين يدي من أقوم الآن ؟؟!!




وكان أبوه سيدنا علي رضي الله عنه إذا توضأ ارتجف

فإذا سئل عن ذلك قال : الآن أحمل الأمانة التي عرضت على السماء والأرض

والجبال فأبين أن يحملها وأشفقن منها .. وحملتها أنا ..




وسئل حاتم الأصم رحمه الله كيف تخشع في صلاتك ؟؟

قال : بأن أقوم فأكبر للصلاة .. وأتخيل الكعبة أمام عيني ..

والصراط تحت قدمي ,, والجنة عن يميني والنار عن شمالي ,,

وملك الموت ورائي ,, وأن رسول الله يتأمل صلاتي وأظنها آخر صلاة ,

فأكبر الله بتعظيم وأقرأ وأتدبر وأركع بخضوع وأسجد بخضوع وأجعل في صلاتي الخوف من الله

والرجاء في رحمته ثم أسلم ولا أدري أقبلت أم لا؟؟




يقول سبحانه وتعالى : (( ألم يأن للذين آمنوا أن تخشع قلوبهم لذكر الله ))

يقول ابن مسعود رضي الله عنه :

لم يكن بين إسلامنا وبين نزول هذه الآية إلا أربع سنوات ,,

فعاتبنا الله تعالى فبكينا لقلة خشوعنا لمعاتبة الله لنا ..

فكنا نخرج ونعاتب بعضنا! بعضا نق ول: ألم تسمع قول الله تعالى :

ألم يأن للذين آمنوا أن تخشع قلوبهم لذكر الله ...

فيسقط الرجل منا يبكي على عتاب الله لنا ..



**

فهل شعرت أنت يا أخي أن الله تعالى يعاتبك بهذه الآية:

**



( ألم يأن للذين آمنوا أن تخشع قلوبهم لذكر الله )



اللهم إجعل لي قلباً خاشع .. ولساناً ذاكراً .. وعيناً دامعة 

The Best Song

Ok, Before anyone judges me by the lyrics,
I like this song for it's feel,
the underlying message.
i love it..
Katy Perry- Thinking of You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CcS67vxak4

When push comes to shove,

When push comes to shove,
I sit back stretch my legs and sunnbathe
At least I wish I do!
I shove other people, but I don't shove myself I think.
So I would be beside the pool reading a cheesy novel and catching the
rays.
I am a deep thinker, I could analyse and desecect a situation for a
whole year at the very least until I can make peace with my mistakes.
I made peace with alot of things this year, some things consiously and
other subconsuoisly.
Deep breaths give me the feeling of serinity
Closing my eyes for periods of time wrap me with peace
Through the chaos i stay calm.
But then when the storm blows over I freak out!!

Sent from my iPod

It's not indifference,

It's not indifference,
It's satisfaction and content.
I'm not worried, not in a hurry
Cuz I know it's right.
Apperntly when they say:
"when it's right you'll know" it's true.
I have a nutrition final next saturday
That's a week away!!!
Ugh right now I want to got elbow deep in the sappy romantic novels I
borrowed from meme and get lost :p
Not really! I just want to get the kick
In the butt I need to seriously write about Laya and Josh. Lately I
have no idea what they're going to do or how they're going to meet in
the first place, I need inspiration.
May Allah guide us all to the right path and make us be true to
oursleves always.

Love
Peace
Good night
7/1 feb/2009
10:18pm

Sent from my iPod

How to stay Young..

forwarded message:

My recent addiction

My recent addiction
Stand up comedy
Seriously it is AWESOME
Of course not all stand up comics are funny...some are just nasty!!

Here's a list of the best comics:
Robin Williams

That's it, he is the best, everyone else is in this other list of
funny people.
I have yet to hear someone who is funnier than him, he is so funny
( ma sha ) that I can hear his routine 100 times and still be in
stiches!

My other list of ok funny comics:
John Stewart
Jasper carrot
Lewis black
Chris rock
Dane cook
Steven colbert
Paul brant
George carlin (sometimes)
Eddie izzard
George lopez
And other people but these people are pretty good.

Done with 75% of inorganic biochemistry
Pray for me please
I have the final on Sunday and I NEED a full mark 40/40!!!

Sent from my iPod

Heartbreaking news

Heartbreaking news
I thought I was fine, that the extra chocolaty chocoladte fudge
brownie wouldn't affect me,
I walk a lot and eat healthy
But apparently I was doing something wrong cuz "the line" is no longer
there!!!
I just noticed today!!
The line being the one I aqquired last year after 6-9 months of
intensive pilates.
The one that gave me hope that one day I'll have a body ad perfect as
Fergie's.
But it's gone and it's not coming back as quick as I want it!!
I mean cmon 6-9 months and then it dissapears??!! It's not fair nor
right!!!
Sigh!
Today I did 110 sit-ups, yesterday and the day before I did 150-160.
Which is nothing compared to last year me, I used to do 250-300.
Weep!
I'm trying to get to it. But I have to get rid of the negativity I'm
feeling.
I'm gna be positive and I will do 250 today in sha Allah.
Peace out.

Sent from my iPod

صحيت من النوم فجأة

Forwarded

لا تقف كثيرا عند أخطاء ماضيك .. لأنها ستحيل حاضرك جحيما ومستقبلك حطاما .

.... يكفيك منها وقفة اعتبار تعطيك دفعة جديدة في طريق الحق والصواب

******************

صحيت من النوم فجأة




شفت نور غريب !!

المشكلة أن نور الغرفة مسكر

شفت الساعة على 3 ونص الفجر

طيب .. النور هذا كله من وين ؟؟؟

-----
تفاجأت لما شفت يدي نصها بالجدار

طلعتها بسرعة وانا خايف جلست اشوفها

دخلتها مره ثانيه بالجدار .. تدخل !!!!!!!!

----

سمعت صوت ضحك

جلست التفت لقيت اخوي نايم !!!

قمت من السرير وانا خايف رحت اصحيه

بس ما يرد علي

رحت لغرفة أمي

أحاول أصحي أبوي

أبغى أحد يرد علي ماردو

رحت لأمي أحاول اصحيها فجأة قامت من النوم !!!!!

---

هي قامت من النوم بس ماكلمتني

كانت تسمي ' بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ' وتكررها ..

قومت ابوي من النوم قالت له قوم قوم

ابغى اروح اتطمن على الأولاد..

أبوي جاوبها باستغراب ' مو وقته الحين خليني انام وبكرهـ يصير خير '

لكن باصرارها قام من النوم مستغرب وراحو سوى

---

جلست أصرخ أمييي أبوييي

بس محد يرد !!!

مسكت ثيابها ابغاها تسمعني

بس ماحست !!!

جلست امشي وراها لحد ما وصلت غرفة النوم

دخلو غرفة النوم وشغلو اللمبات

ماكانت تفرق معاي لأن الدنيا منوره أصلا

بسسس تفاجأت لما شفت شي غرييييييب

---

شفت جسمي !!!

أيوه جسمي انا

جلست أطالع في نفسي لقيتني صرت اثنين

قلت في نفسي مين هذا ؟ وكيف هذا يشبهني !!!

جلست أضرب في نفسي أبغى أصحى من هذا الحلم الكئيييب

لكن ما صحيييت

---

أبوي قال ' يالله شفتي انهم نايمين خلينا نمشي '

لكن أمي ما هديت راحت عند اللي كان نايم مكاني

قالت محمد قووم محمد قووم رد علي

بس ما يرد !!!

حاولت أكثر من مرره وفجأة بدأت دمووع أبي تتساقط

أبي القوي الذي لم أرى في حياتي دموعه رأيتها اليوم

بدأ الصراخ يعلو المكان .. صحى أخي من النوم قال ' ايش صاير '

أمي قالت له وهي تصرخ ' أخووك ماات محمد ماات ' وهي تبكي بحرقة

---

ازداد الصراخ

رحت لأمي قلتلها لا تبكي أنا هنا شوفيني!!

مافي احد بيرد علي ليييه

جلست أصرخ أنا موجووود شوفووو

بس مافي حد بيرررد

جلست أصرخ يااااارب يااااااارب يخلص الحلم اللي انا فييه

---

سمعت صوت يأتي من بعيد وكان يعلو شيء فشيء

حتى سمعت قوله تعالى : ((
لقد كنت في غفلة من هذا فكشفنا عنك غطاءك فبصرك اليوم حديد
لَقَدْ كُنتَ فِي غَفْلَةٍ مِّنْ هَذَا فَكَشَفْنَا عَنكَ غِطَاءكَ))

فجأة في اثنين مسكوني بس هما مش من البشر

خفت !!

جلست أصرخ أتركووني أتركووني

أنتو مييين ؟؟ وايش تبغو ؟؟

قالو : ' أحنا حراسك لحد القبر '
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قلت أنا مامت أنا حي
لييه تودوني القبر أتركووني !!
أنا أحس و أتكلم و أشوف لسى ما مت
ردو علي بابتسامه

قالو ' عجيب أمركم يالبشر تظنون أن الموت نهاية الحياة ولا تدرون أن ماكنتم تعيشون فيه هو حلم قصير ينتهي عندما تموتون '
مازالو يسحبون فيني لحد القبر
واحنا بالطريق شفت ناس بتبكي وناس بتضحك و ناس بتصرخ
وكل واحد معاه اثنين زيي
سألتهم ليييه يسوو كيذا ؟؟
قالو ' الناس هذول عارفين مصيرهم منهم من كان على ضلال '
قاطعتهم وانا خائف ' يعني بيروحو النار !!!! '
قالو ' نـعـم '
وأكملو حديثهم ' واللي يضحك هذا رايح الجنة '
رديت بسرعة ' وأنا رايح فيين ؟؟؟؟؟ '
قالو ' أنت كنت شويه تمشي صح و شويه تمشي خطأ
شويه تتوب وترجع اليوم الثاني تعصي وماكنت واضح مع نفسك
وهتضل كيذا تايه '
قاطعتهم و أنا خائف ' يعني اييييييييش يعني انا برووح الناار '

ردو علي ' رحمة الله واسعة و الرحلة طويلة '



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التفت وأنا خايف شفت أهلي أبوي عمي أخواني أقاربي كلهم



كانو حاملييني بصندوق رحت لهم ركض قلتلهم ' ادعو لي '



لكن مافي حد رد علي منهم من كان يبكي ومنهم من كان حزيين



رحت لأخوي قلت له انتبه من الدنيا وفتنها لاتغريييك



كنت أتمنى لو أنه يسمعني



شدوني الملكيين لقبري ونوموني فوق الجسد حقي



شفت ابوي وهو يرمي التراب فوقي



شفت اخواني وهما يرمو التراب



شفت الناس كلها ترمي التراب فوقي



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تمنيت لو اني مكانهم في الدنيا كان تبت



كان صليت الفجر أمس



كان دعييت ربي كل يوم



كان جددت توبتي كل يوم



كان بطلت معااصي



جلست اصرخ ' يااانااااس انتبهووو تغرركم الدنيا '



تمنييت لو حد يسمعني



فهل سمعتني أنت ؟ ؟ ؟