Heartache

Heartache
There's a whole in my heart
Or is there an empty place
Where it's hollow
Air flows through it making it cold
And filling it with sorrow
There's an echo
In my chest
Of The heartbeat that manages to escape the vise that is crushing my
heart
I wish I could laugh but all I'm doing is crying
(how can it be eid if I'm thinking of dying?)
I want to stand tall and scare away my fears
But all I do is lie down under my covers and shed tears
I hate with the venom of a vampire
I hate with blindness that causes fire
I want to breathe without tasting blood
I want to laugh without the tears that flood
I wish I was somewhere else
I wish I was away from this evil place
I want to have my own world
Where I would plant roses and lilac and lilies
Where I'd make marmalade and cupcakes and jellies
A place where i'd dress up as a princess or a fairy
Read stories to children and eat strawberries
I want a world where there's no war of who's in control
I want to be free as free as the butterfly
To be able to fly from flower to flower filling the world with
laughter and color
Infusing it with sweetness and joy
I want I want I want...
What I want is simple what I want is right
What I want is acheivable if only I could fight
Fight the shackles that hold me in place
The ones that burn my wrists and ankles
The hatred that burns my heart is because of him
My own personal warden
The one God gave me as a test
He-the warden- is manipulative and sneaky
Controlling and has no mercy
Selfish and cruel
He does nothing if it has no personal gain to him
I know I said "I nothing him"; but he's alwas in my face, poking me
with his warden's stick
Provoking me to react; I dont at first
But after being shoved into a corner spat at and bruised
I have to react; howl scream and shout:
I hate you
You evil monster
Why are you here?
Leave me alone
He snickers them smiles in the smile he tricks everyone with
I cannot leave you my love I cannot stop because I love you
No one will ever love you more than me
You must beleive that
For I do not lie
He walks sways his heels clicking with his steps
NO! my mind responds do not beleive him he's a liar. You will be loved
Someone is out there looking for you
He'll come, be patient, be hopeful
The tears that clogged my throat fell from my eyes
Like rivers
I turned to the east
Put my forehead to the cold prison cell floor
and cried my heart out to the one who created us all
Oh Allah send him please
Send the one who'll love me and cherish me here and in heaven too
Send him soon

He's not the solution my mind tells me
I know he isn't but I want to know what it feels like to be loved I
reply

Oh Allah I continue to pray
I can't bear this life
Where I dread the day
I want to die
Take me to you
I don't want to cry
Take me where there's no jealousy or hate
Where cruelty is unheard of
Where laughter and love reign
Where there is no pain

Oh Allah give me the strength to forgive the weak who poke at me
Give me the power to forget the ill and evil that has been done to me
Be my strength for I have none
Be my wealth so I needn't need anyone

September 23 2009
3:35 am