Friday, December 14, 2007

Moments...

in order for me to phase out from my ugly mood...

i remembered what Barney always says "Just imagine..."

so i imagined and lived in perfect moments...

wrote them down...

and inspired my friend to draw...

so.. i'm posting 'em here...

and i hope these ''moments'' are loved.












Her black leather high-heeled boots made soft taps on the slightly covered stone pathway that she was taking to go to her car. Snowflakes were coming down like baby powder in little puffs but she had her umbrella with her just incase.
She stopped at the top stair, took a deep breath of the icy wind, and smiled. She loved winter, it made her see everything differently and gave her the sense of peace and made her feel safe. She was wearing her long pale pink suede jacket with fur interior, at the cuffs, and on the collar and a pair of fuzzy pink knitted gloves, making her very warm. The only indication that the weather had affected her was the sweet blush she had from the breeze and the pinkness of her nose.

It was a beautiful sight; the stone stairs were surrounded by enchanting black lampposts that sent soft light that blended wonderfully with twilight, her favorite time of day, when the majesty of the night is touching the beauty of the day. She descended the steps carefully, gracefully not wanting to disturb the spell of serenity. It was quite a long way down and some people were around taking their time, enjoying the last strands of light before heading to the warmth of their homes, she smiled at the image of fireplaces and loved ones snuggled close together. It was at the last step when she saw him.


He didn’t know what had made him come to the pathway that day, but he did. He sat on the carved dark cherry wood bench at the bottom of the first set of stairs. The one he always sat on in the spring, summer and autumn but rarely in winter, today he felt he had to, and as he sat watching the sun set, he heard the taps of someone coming down the stairs. He looked up to his left and saw her; she was breathtaking in the most effortless way. She hadn’t noticed him, not yet. Maybe because of the trees that played shadow games with the lights, hiding him from the view a moment and casting him in the light another. Her movements were as light as a ballerina’s and made her look like she was making a grand entrance to a ballroom. He pictured her in a strapless pearly silk dress with diamonds that dropped from her ears like rain. Her chocolate brown hair was heavy with big natural curls that framed her radiant face. And he saw her having it in a half chignon with the rest flowing elegantly down her back. The sound of her footsteps, the snow that was falling, the light that continued its game with the trees made the moment seem like it was something out of a fairytale book. The last step came in unison with him bathed in light and that was when her gaze met his.

She didn’t know how long she stood there held back by some unseen force. But she knew for sure that the man sitting a few steps away was gorgeous, and that the seconds that flew by were meaningless, because she could look into his eyes forever and not care. His smoky black leather jacket and beige wool stitched scarf that was wrapped around his neck and matching wool stitch hat made him seem even dreamier. The trees shifted once again with the light wind and hid him in the shadows, bringing her back to reality. She stepped off the stairs and started walking to the next set in attempt to forget the face that will forever etched in her mind.

He knew that the moment they shared ended when he went into the shadows, but he didn’t want it to end. So he got up and walked beside her.
“Excuse me miss, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you are” he said in his velvet voice.
She looked to her left, where he was standing so near her shoulder almost brushed his, and smiled slightly.
“Thank you” she answered shyly.

They continued walking together, in comfortable silence. When the second set of stairs ended, he looked at her and she said: “Excuse me sir, I couldn’t help but notice how handsome you are” with a faint smile on her perfect full lips.
“Thank you” his smile shone in his reply and her heart did somersaults at the sight.
As they descended the first step of the last set of stairs, his knit gloved hand touched her elbow, which made her stop and face him.
“Yes?” she asked calmly.
“I want you to know how much these moments mean to me” he wanted to hold her hands to help him say what he wanted to say clearly.
“I don’t understand” though she did but would not be a fool and be the first to say what she had on her mind.
“I know you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. But I think this night is magical and it brought us together. So please would you accept if I asked you out for dinner?”
She thought for a moment and asked why not but then again, she wasn’t one to through caution to the wind, she was careful especially in matters of the heart, out tonight like he said, was special, so she was going to take a chance.
“I may if I knew who you are”
“If I told you my name, would you tell me yours?”
“Yes, I would”
“Hi, I’m Matthew” he put out his right hand
“Hello Matthew, I’m Jade” she shook his open hand.
Jade the name was enchanting just like her
“It’s a pleasure meeting you Jade”
“Likewise, Matthew”
“Are you free tomorrow night?” he asked after their hands fell apart.
“I think I am, but I’ll have to check” she was starting to feel rather chilly standing there “Shall we continue our walk?”
“Yes, we shall” this time he took her hand in his as they went down the stairs. At first she felt surprised, but then she liked the feeling of a man’s big strong warm hand holding hers.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Yeeesh!

still in a bad mood...
still want to cry
still frustrated...
and Úberly annoyed..
hate my self..
dislike lots of ppl cuz the make me hate myself even more..
dislike my dad A LOT!
I...
wish i could just leave.. not runaway... just simply LEAVE!!!!!
wish my bookstore would open
wish i was 45 kg
wish i had a car
wish i was treated right
wish i was seen as an adult by my dad.
wish my dad would treat us right
wish that my dad would be less selfish and self centered
wish i could leave
wish i could study abroad
wish my hair wasn't so frizzy
wish i could concentrate on studying for my mid terms next week.
wish my mind wasn't so scrambled
wish i was in peace,
wish i was more patient
wish i was less angry
wish i was married
wish i was away
wish i was happy
wish i was not sad
wish i was smiling
and not blank and mad
wish i could get up and study.
beacause i got arabic, biology and biochem
and haven't done anything.
wish i could hide my saddness
but i can't
wish i had someone who understood me
besides Allah who is my only friend
wish i could take down the wall around my heart and not get hurt.
wish i could laugh like i mean it
wish i had millions to spend
wish i lived a fairytale happy story that'll never end...
wish i stopped rambling...
cuz itz annoying me so...
wish i was high...
and not so low.

I wish...

Monday, December 3, 2007

A Ramble...of a person who's wires are scrambled.

I just made this blog... literally just now!
And I do know this is my first entry which makes it "the first impression" whoever's going to read or see will have about me.
Personally, I think first impressions are overrated and not something we should base our reactions or our opinions on.
Because everyone sees others with their eyes, meaning that we see what we want to see, and most of the time we see the faults we have HUGE in other people, and treat people based on our deductions that are false. For example, I know a man that sees all other men/guys as dirty thinking, nasty, immature boys whose biggest thought is sex. What I see is that this man sees others with his faults under a microscope, though he would NEVER admit it, I truly believe that if he was honest with himself he'll find that other guys and men are fine, yeah there are some that are bad, but not all! In addition, not every guy that sees a girl thinks of sleeping with her. So please don't judge me by this. i'm a really happy positive person that's a bit annoyed and a bit sad and a little bit mad.
Anyway, back to what I was getting at.
I am in a rut, and I am SUPERLY down.
I can't really exactly say the reason why.
But what I can say is that I was never expecting what happened.
And I feel like crying, but I don't want to seem weak or objecting the will of Allah.
Because I know that everything happens for a reason, I know that my turn for dunya happiness is coming, but I am really tired of waiting, and that Allah swt knows what's best for me.
I hate not being married.
I hate not having a guy.
Someone that'll laugh with me, fight with me and love me.
I know its not all pink and lovely, I know that it is a lot of work, but at least it'll be different.
It won't always be the same crap over and over.
I want a guy that'll never ever utter the word "Newafir" or "Twafeer" which mean lest save some money or we're saving or we don't have money.
I HATE THAT.
Money money money...
Everything is linked to money.
UGH! It makes me sooo mad.
WTH is wrong with everybody?
Can’t anyone have a normal discussion these days without money being in it?
To me money is something that'll let you have more. But not necessarily make you anything.
All money does is hurt.
People who don't have it are hurts emotionally by people who do have it and treat them with arrogance.
People who have it think they don't have enough.
I hate that for a person to be recognized these days they have to live a certain lifestyle, with a certain car, house and a sense of style that'll automatically change the way people treat each other.
Money in our crazy world gives people that have it false Respect .
I say false because the day the money is gone, the respect goes with it.
Yeah there are people who are rude and aren't respected even if the did have millions.
But I’m talking about the majority.
I’m in such a bad mood (LOL!) I think it's obvious.
And I don't know what to do to get out of it.
I'm reading Qurán and it helps a lot, but still, I feel caged on the earthy side of me, my spirit seems to want more, but I don't know what to give it.
I want to do soooooo many things but for some unknown reason I lie on my bed staring at the picture of steps in Paris in the winter and daydream of what could happen.
I even made a story out of it, to be written soon.
At this very moment, I wish I were engaged, so I could have a boyfriend the Halal way, the clean Allah pleasing way without ruining my faith our disobeying my Lord.
I wish I were in Paris right this moment, sipping an espresso on the Champs Elyseés watching people go by reading a novel by Nora Roberts or Cecilia Ahern.
I wish that the bookstore I want to build would open today before tomorrow and I’d FINALLY have a place where I can lose myself in, where I can forget about the whole world and just be me.
I wish I wish I wish I wish... so many numerous things that may seem mediocre to people but for now are what I really want.
On that note...
I say goodnight...
And may my next entries.
Be- hopefully- bright
And shed light.









 

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