You make it hard to love you.

You make it hard to love you.
You effin sad person
You make it hard to like you
You weak weakling
You're weak inside and out
Your issues have issues
Your issues' issues have issues
You are the impersonation of loss
I can't hate you and I can't like you
You make it hard to love you.

30/10/2009
6:06 pm

My wedding song

I have realized that I truly

I have realized that I truly
Samja neho belkol neho!!!!!!!!
Life makes absolutely no sense
People make no sense
Love and hate make no sense
Happiness and sadness make no sense
I don't understand anything anymore.
Breathing and suffocating collide
Heartbreaking and soulpatching run together
Life and death interchange
Fighting and peace making aren't speaking to each other
The world is on fire and yet it's cold as iced water
I could go on forever and ever
But see I'm energized and restless those two come together
In a marrige designed by humans
Who forgot what holy and pure is.
Who have made everything crude and pointless
Even laughter is now humorless
So yes.
I am restless filled with energy that I can't explain.
I want to vent it out but I've failed miserably.
Strength I never knew I had I cannot contain
My only entertainment is in reading some novel that leaves me wonderig
if such things exist.
Or have we killed all truth with our vanity and slain purity with our
ignorance?!
We know of sinning but not repentance
Even when we do we Take it for granted
I'm stopping now for I have ranted
The boredom to death and now feel a good amount of calmness so I'll go
breathe it and dance to it's tune
I'm immune
To stupidity and indirectness
If I wanted you I would have acted
But apparently the world is childish and immature
Selfish and bored
Am I the only mature person in this lost world?!
Deep breathe exhalation I'm not damaged
Scarred beyond anyones imagination
But I've risen from the ashes
Like the pheonix
I've got secret magic.
Sit and wonder
You'll never have it.

Random random
Drama drama drama!!!!

Love y'all
Peace

I am destined to be a rapper :)
6:40 pm
27-10-2009

My favorite song!!!!!!!

FireFlies
Owl City

Lyrics | Owl City lyrics - Fireflies lyrics

Got some rain

Got some rain
Got some sun
And I've smiled to everyone
I'm on top of the world
I feel as pretty as diamonds and pearls
Love is here
Love is now
I'm too happy I can't frown
But I'm missing you.
Lulu, I really miss u.
Allah is fair.
So we'll survive life
And thrive
I swear.

something im pondering

I finished my tale and looked at him and he was as still as a statue; then without warning he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight, I started crying onto his shirt trying to get rid of all the hurt and pain.
“Oscar? I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say all this” I sad between sobs.
“Shhhh honey, it’s okay, I’m here, don’t cry” he kept me in his arms, rocking me gently.

Absolutely positively happy!

Dunno why?
Maybe it's cause I saw my brother and bestfriend for a good 30minuyes
since Ramadan ?
No wonder my eid was sucky.
Anywhooooo guess what he got me as a pre-eidgift?!
The latest album for OUTLANDISH!!!! the greatest band on the face of
the EARTH!
It's called Sound of a Rebel
check it out you guys it is Awesome!
Love you mera bhai!!
You're my favorite Dost.
Allah yehfathak ya rab ameen!
Peace out everybody!
Oh and a belated EID MUBARAK!
may Allah bless all ur days with laughter joy and love

P.s going to relish this happiness before more
Drama
Drama
Drama!
that is bound to arrive!

Bye for now!
A happy diamond!

Lalalalalala

Lalalalalala
That's what I feel like today
Lalalalalala
I feel like a helium ballon high and floaty
December 31 2008 3:06 pm

I need hot food!

I need hot food!

I hate my life

I hate my life
Wow! Something new and different for me yay! Ugh.
I realized I am nothing; I add nothing and I subtract nothing
I give nothing I take nothing
I gain nothing I lose nothing (unless you count my soul which is
breaking apart sliver by sliver)
I inhale nothing I exhale nothing
I can't laugh nor can I cry
I am barely living that I wish I could just die
I want to leave this wretched lifestyle I'm in and start all over
Laugh love and live
...
What adds nothing subtracts nothing?
Nothing = me.
3:11 am
4-sept-2009

I have a dillema I hope you - the wonderful people who read my blog- could help me with.

I have a dillema I hope you - the wonderful people who read my blog-
could help me with.
I'm getting and eid gift from my best friend, and i've been given the
choice between a blackberry or an iPhone and I chose blackberry, then
we were talking and he mentioned cameras and I said I was wishing for
a professional one and he -may ALLAH bless him ma sha ALLAH- said 3ala
keyfik. Al3eed Hada utlob we atmanna so what should I do?
Blackberry or camera?
Put in mind that I'm not allowed to carry a camera phone in the
wonderful-being sarcastic- university of mine, so I'd be leaving BB at
home.
Please respond!!
Love u all

Miss rough diamond.

Heartache

Heartache
There's a whole in my heart
Or is there an empty place
Where it's hollow
Air flows through it making it cold
And filling it with sorrow
There's an echo
In my chest
Of The heartbeat that manages to escape the vise that is crushing my
heart
I wish I could laugh but all I'm doing is crying
(how can it be eid if I'm thinking of dying?)
I want to stand tall and scare away my fears
But all I do is lie down under my covers and shed tears
I hate with the venom of a vampire
I hate with blindness that causes fire
I want to breathe without tasting blood
I want to laugh without the tears that flood
I wish I was somewhere else
I wish I was away from this evil place
I want to have my own world
Where I would plant roses and lilac and lilies
Where I'd make marmalade and cupcakes and jellies
A place where i'd dress up as a princess or a fairy
Read stories to children and eat strawberries
I want a world where there's no war of who's in control
I want to be free as free as the butterfly
To be able to fly from flower to flower filling the world with
laughter and color
Infusing it with sweetness and joy
I want I want I want...
What I want is simple what I want is right
What I want is acheivable if only I could fight
Fight the shackles that hold me in place
The ones that burn my wrists and ankles
The hatred that burns my heart is because of him
My own personal warden
The one God gave me as a test
He-the warden- is manipulative and sneaky
Controlling and has no mercy
Selfish and cruel
He does nothing if it has no personal gain to him
I know I said "I nothing him"; but he's alwas in my face, poking me
with his warden's stick
Provoking me to react; I dont at first
But after being shoved into a corner spat at and bruised
I have to react; howl scream and shout:
I hate you
You evil monster
Why are you here?
Leave me alone
He snickers them smiles in the smile he tricks everyone with
I cannot leave you my love I cannot stop because I love you
No one will ever love you more than me
You must beleive that
For I do not lie
He walks sways his heels clicking with his steps
NO! my mind responds do not beleive him he's a liar. You will be loved
Someone is out there looking for you
He'll come, be patient, be hopeful
The tears that clogged my throat fell from my eyes
Like rivers
I turned to the east
Put my forehead to the cold prison cell floor
and cried my heart out to the one who created us all
Oh Allah send him please
Send the one who'll love me and cherish me here and in heaven too
Send him soon

He's not the solution my mind tells me
I know he isn't but I want to know what it feels like to be loved I
reply

Oh Allah I continue to pray
I can't bear this life
Where I dread the day
I want to die
Take me to you
I don't want to cry
Take me where there's no jealousy or hate
Where cruelty is unheard of
Where laughter and love reign
Where there is no pain

Oh Allah give me the strength to forgive the weak who poke at me
Give me the power to forget the ill and evil that has been done to me
Be my strength for I have none
Be my wealth so I needn't need anyone

September 23 2009
3:35 am

I want to get rid of you

I want to get rid of you
To be free of you
To be able to breathe without your suffocating presence
Even when u aren't here you manage to choke the life out of me
I despise you too much to waste my time on hating you.
I nothing you
And that's what kills you.
Goodbye you
I hope your venom gets sucked before you prey on someone else.

A recap... Slash that

A recap... Slash that, im not Going over what I've been through
before! It was horrible the first time around, no need to revisit
horribleville.

Here're the highlights of the past month:
1-I went crazy fast on a jetski at aldurra in my red gap jeans
It was Awesome, Ima buy myself a jetski before I turn 25! In sha Allah
2- on the said jetski I Attempted a tight turn while going so very
fast and obviously flipped 360 into the water IT WAS GREAT my cousin
and I were cracking up! Dude it was fantastic! They thought we were
nuts!
3-while we were laughing our butts off her crocs was floating away and
I swam towards it like a sloth and everybody started laughing at us
because we weren't going after our jetski instead! Our other two
cousins got it for us.
4- when I got to shore Noor asked me where my glasses were, i didn't
realize they were gone until that moment!
5- my 20th birthday 1600 riyal glasses are now residing at the bottom
of aldurra's waters!
6-I am now wearing contacts daily!
7- went to Makkah a few days ago and tried the public transportation
there it was FANTASTIC ma sha Allah! Very organized, clean and
coordinated!
8- am in Love with Indian everything!
I'm thinking of going to university on the first day in a shirwal-kamis
9-shahid kapur is absolutely AWESOME!
10-Bollywood kicks Hollywood's ASS!
11- I want to see the following movies (after Ramadan of course!):
The soloist
Inglorious basterds
Public enemies
Cloudy with a chance of meatballs
500 days of summer
Fighting
Jodha Akbar
Mujshi dosti karogi
And many others!

5:01 pm
27 august 2009

If only...

If only...

If only I wasn't so emotional
I wouldn't have built this wall

If I was courageous
I would stand tall

Hate is burning like acid through my veins
Inflicting excruciating pain

I don't understand why or how
But I do know now

That my life is a play
A game of pretend

And it will extend
Until my body is one with the earth and my soul is in heaven.

Happy stuff

Today was my 2nd day as a trainee at the IMC hospital.
This week i'm at phlebotomy. It's loads of fun and I like that I'm
interacting with all sorts of people.
There are kids who scream and give migranes and others who cry silently.

Some old men are really nice they prayed for me Allah yewafigik
Today I met the first young guy he got onto my friends nerves. Ga3ad
yestahbil. I wamted to laugh but didn't cuz he'd probably think I was
flirting.

The people in phlebotomy are Awesome.
There's Fatima and Sabreena. Renel is the guy who orders stuff for the
labs and then there are various porters who send the samples we've
taken down to the lab to have tests run on them.
I never thought I'd have this much fun working at a hospital.

Al7amdulila!
bye

So many things run through my head simeltaneously

So many things run through my head simeltaneously
Hate and love race through my veins side by side
I want to stand tall yet cower and hide
Contradictions so many of them lead my life
I don't care but I do
I want to cry
But my heart is ice
I think I don't have feelings but then my heart beats slower and I
can't breathe
The tears that never came block my throat.

What is it about you that makes me mad?

What is it about you that makes me mad?
What is it that makes me sad?
Is it your arrogance?
Or it is the fact that you r as ignorant as a blind man about colors?
You have no idea how horrible you are
You live in the illusion of perfection
You think you're god's gift to mankind
You think I'm a possesion of yours
I'm not!
I'm a creation of God's
And to Him I'll ultimately belong
I'm a free spirit
Bound in an earthly vessel
I don't belong here, I belong there
In paradise.
So don't ask me of things I cannot give you
My heart isn't mine to give
Leave me alone
Please:
Let
me
Go!
Stop this insane obsession!
I
Don't
Want
You!
Get
That
Through
Your
Head!
Goodbye!!

P.S it's not you! Don't obsess!

When will it stop?

When will it stop?
This lonliness that ebbs and flows
When will my sorrow end?
I can no longer pretend
That I'm okay.
Have I ruined every chance of meeting you?
By telling the world about you?
Did I make a mistake?
I'd take it back.
I wouldve kept it a secret
But I wanted everyone to know that you're real
I thought it would make you come faster
That you'd hear them talking about you and come to me
Why aren't you here?!

The greatest song in the world!

Breakeven- The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in (ok so this line isn't rite, i pray to a God i do beleive in)
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
what am I suppose to say when i'm all choked up and you're OK
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop me bleeding
Cos she moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it dont break even

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sence of what little remains
Cos you left with no love, with no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god i don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
No it don't break, no it dont break even, no