December 27 2008

December 27 2008
12:00 pm
In front of class 91C on the floor wishing I could sleep right then
and there.
I left my iPod at home so I wrote the following on my mobile, here it
is :

Am I hapy?
I have no clue
All I know is that I'm so blue
I feel like crying
I feel like dying
I feel like splitting in two
Maybe I'll go smoke the brazilllian coffee blend
I don't think it'll change anything
I'm not on the mend
I'm on the corner bend
I don't smoke I just pretend
Yes, that's a fake cigar in my hand
I made of in art class when the teacher left
'cause someone put red ink on her chair
I won't tell who, I swear
So it gave me time to make this fine Cuban
With pencil shavings rolled in construction paper in the perfect shade
of brown
Then I sat here on the edge of town
Oh for God's sake wipe off that frown
I haven't done anything wrong
So quit looking like a clown
I'm fullfiling a dark desire
To speak French and smoke like there is no tomorrow
Not care about the world
Forget my sorrows
So it all comes down to this
I want to not care
Maybe then I'll acheive bliss?
Then will it not hurt anymore?
I have no clue
But I'm sure Jean Peirre* would know.

*jean peirre is just a French name I used instead of saying I'm sure
the french would know.

Sent from my iPod

Lalalalalala

Lalalalalala
That's what I feel like today
Lalalalalala
I feel like a helium ballon high and floaty

Sent from my iPod

Rant rant rant !!!

To know how long a second can be just try watching a whole video on
YouTube it is excruciating!!
Oh and btw I did get the movie list but not all of it, just the vital
ones mainly Twilight and the version sucked so bad I am watching it on
YouTube so on the quality side it's great but on the slow side it's
horrible!!
Whoever has a food copy or is coin to buy the orginal DVD, my birthday
is in April but I accept gifts all the time!
I am DYING to see it properly!
This is too hard :(

Peace out!

Sent from my iPod

Crap crap crap!!!!!

Crap crap crap!!!!!
I just overslept and missed my class!!!!
It is so annoying because 2 or 3 of my absences are because I was 10
minutes late and the teacher wouldn't let me in!!!!
I don't know how many abscences I have accumulated, and I'm worries
I'll be banned from the final exam!! And have to redo the subject
( please ya Allah no!!)
Sigh, now I'm debating whether or not attend the nutrition class it's
from 10-11 and then I'm fre for the day,
Is it worth going to?
I mean should I go back to sleep and call it a day?
No lo se!

Sent from my iPod

The decision

So much time has passed
And I can surpress the need no longer
The need to dream and wish
To let my mind wander
And Bring the fairy tale to life
My fairy tale
For every person has their own
It is freedom to roam the world
And conjure the most delicious of images
To not so much create as to see what is always there
Waiting to be seen and felt
I have wasted my last year in confining myself to reality
To the words of dissapointment that linger in the air I breathe
But now I know, reality was made by those who chose not to imagine
Not to beleive they had infinite possibilities
And that the The All-Mighty Himself can and will give them what they
want
All they needed to do was beleive
Beleive that there is goodness and purity in the world
That honesty and love exist
And that life is what we make it
But they refused
Even though in their heart where no one except The One could see, they
knew it to be true
They rejected the thought and set out to make the world a boring and
lifeless place
Working hard to rob it from its color and beauty
Putting all effort to silence the laughter
The music of love and kindness
But I shall not succumb
I have been reminded by the fairies
The ones who add magic to all things
The twinkle in a persons smiling eyes
The mischivous bubble of joy on the lips of a child
The fairies, the product of a beautiful imagination are as real as the
imagination itself
The minute we allow ourselves to give up dreaming and wanting the wish
to come true
Is the minute we lose all hope of ever surviving in the world
So that is what I am doing once more
I'm throwing myself at the mercy of my vivid imagination
I'm giving my mind free reign in the world of possibilities
And I advise you all to do the same

December 23-2008
3:08 AM

Sent from my iPod

The list!

> My obsession for the sliver screen has no limits sadly
> And I have written down the latest list of movies and tv shows I am
> dying to see.
> So here it is :
>
> •Movies:
> Changeling
> Twlight
> The love guru
> Role models
> Rockn' Rolla
> Shoot 'em up
> Eagle eye
> Pride and glory
> The day the earth stood still
> Samantha: an American girl holiday
> The haunting of emily hartley
> The women
> Nights in rodanthe
> Under the Tuscan sun
> The princess bride
> The secret life of bees
> High school musical 3
> Wild child
> The house bunny
> City of ember
> Freedom writers
> Max payne
> Quantum of solace
> Punisher: war zone
> Forever strong
> Transporter 3
> Brideshead revisted
> Broken glass
> How to lose friends and alienate people
> Ghost town
> Forgetting sara Marshall
> Hamlet 2
> In Bruges
> Miss pettigrew lives for a day
> The dutchess
> P.S. I love you
> Love story
> City of ember
> Penelope
> The nightmare before Christmas
> Step brothers
> Dreamer
> Bolt
> Charlotte's web
> Four Christmases
> Fred claus
> Beverly hills chiuhahua
> The curious case of Benjamin button
> The boy in the stripped pyjamas
> Luck of the irish
> Madagascar 3
> Igor
> Across the universe
> How to lose a guy in 10 days
>
> •Tv Shows:
> NCIS (6seasons)
> Numb3rs (4seasons)
> Brainiac
> The latest buzz
> Mind your language ( British comedy)
> Kyle XY
> Top gear ( last 3 seasons)
> Samantha who? (season 1-3)
> Related (season 1-3 )
> What I like about you
> House M.D (season 1-5)
> Private practice (season 1-5)
> Greys anatomy (season 1-5)
> How I met your mother (season 1-5)
> Are you being served (British comedy)
> Yes, Minister ( British comedy)
> That 70's show
> Freddie
>
>
> Sent from my iPod

My brother is going into surgery and I have school!

My brother is going into surgery and I have school!
Life sucks because A- I had no idea
B- I can go cuz I already have 3-4 absenses and I'll get forbidden
from the final exam if I miss this class :s
I do hope he's ok
Love u fofo darling.

Sent from my iPod

"CRASH!!!"

"CRASH!!!"
I have hit rock bottom- and before anyone says the only way is up- I'm
blue and sick n tired of being me this moment, being nice, watching
out for people's feelings I'm sick n tired of being sick and tired
I just feel winded and beaten up emotionally
I have a lab midterm in 11 hours and I am studying off my iPod cuz I
don't have a PC and someone unplugged my printer and now it's going to
take days for it to reboot, we had only one working computer in the
house left and now that one's gone bust.
Honestly at the moment I hate technology because it made a so
dependent on it we can't function without it no more!!!
Like this iPod I'm writing from, it's my lifeline, cuz if I didn't
have it I wouldve screamed until the paint peeled off the walls. It's
my venting device.
A few years back I had started writing officially and me and my laptop
were glued to each other, then it HAD to get milk spilled in it's
keyboard, and it's power supply HAD to break, and it stayed unused for
six months and it's like I lost a vital organ, now I'm working on
fixing it, 700 riyals worth repairs. I thought if I didn't have a
laptop or a PC for a while dad would notice and get me a new one, but
it didn't work, I didn't want to buy a new one by myself cuz A-it's
too expensive B-the laptop I want is top of the line with 4 GB ram
300GB hard disk 2.5ghz and it's either All fuscia or All screaming
yellow!!!( it costs 8500 riyals) it's a Hypersonic
Besides I found out that it's best to get expensive gadgets as gifts,
they give them more value and meaning plus they live longer.

I'm still in a crappy mood,
I want to watch greys anatomy and sleep without HAVING to wake up.

I wish I didn't grow up and be this person, I don like her, she's not
funny and fuzzy and confident.

I blame one person for part of my misery, she hurts me with her jokes
about me, she keeps going on and on about how I'm not good enough how
I should be better how I don't know how to dress or that I have no
taste,
On and on
repeatedly sayings words that she may see as constructive critisism
but I see as mean jealous ignorant and hurtful.
At this moment of time I truly hate her, everyone tells me to ignore
her and that she's that way with everyone but I can't anymore, then
she wonders why I don't visit and call a lot, all she knows how to do
is 3etab. And she is such a sucker for the boys in my family, she sees
them as perfect creations whereas we - the girls- are the screwups. I
can't stand her anymore.

So I've decided,
I'm going to be me again,
The girl who falls asleep on the couch and wears comfy cute clothes
and does her hair however it decides to be that day, gone is the me
that has been here for the past year, adiós.
Though on the morals side I'll hold on to the good things I've aquired
like respecting my parents and doing great in school.
Other that that I will not allow people to feed off my emotions and
feelings anymore.

Signed,
A pretty blue girl.
December sixteen twothousandandeight eleven fortyone pm.

Sent from my iPod

Score?!

Ok so I haven't exactly checked if my answers on the test are correct,
I am going to in a second but I want to say this first: I studied
well, I feel good about my answers and I am happy.
Now I'm going to open the book and let the chips fall where they fall.
1:08pm 16 December 2008
On my way home from school.

Drumroll please..........

Eeeeeeeeeeek!!! I did Great
Ma Sha Allah!!!!!!!!!
I kicked the tests butt!!!
Hahahahahahah
Al7amdulilah!!!

Too bad I'm in the car I wana do my victory dance!!!!

I feel like laughing at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!

Yyyyyyaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!

1:11pm december 16 2008

Sent from my iPod

Reporting for duty, sir!

Reporting for duty, sir!
Yeah right!! :p
Sitting in the nutrition lab, wearing a mask because there's toxic
sulfuric gas in the gas chamber on the heater I ask myself : why on
earth am I studying biochemistry??
Then I remember 'I'm going to save the world' and that question is
eliminated!
But I have come to a desicion Never will I ever teach at this
university!! I'd feather die literally, not for any reason besides the
fact that this place is stuffed with toxic energy and negative vibes
if you're in the classes, but if u r like some who love this sordid
place and hang out after hours ordering take out from mcdonalds or
pizza hut, you should seriously think of going to a shrink or just get
your head examined!!
I don't mean to be offensive but honeslty this place isnt like school
where the mood is cheery and you're young and careless, it's the real
deal apparently and it doesn't give out that vibe, it's against
everything I stand for, the optimists who're reading this will
probably say : why don't u do something about it then instead of being
a whine? Well my answer is I don't have the energy nor the heart to
work Alll that much for a hopeless cause and have my efforts
squandered on people who won't apprecciate it. That's why I wanted to
go abroad, there I know I'll find competetion but also a place to fit
in and find myself loving what I'm doing and learning, here it's a
chore, and the minute anything becomes a chore it loses any kind of
lure to me.
The sulfuric acid gas is like a slippery shady evil mastermind slowly
slithering his way through my nostrils and sinking his fangs into my
throat whilst continuing his course to my lungs, the moment he hits my
lungs I start a series of coughs that'd put a new smoker to shame.
Then I step back and let another member of my group hold the rounded
bottom flask which is on the heater and sit on the bench and write this.

December 15 2008 1:21pm
Haven't prayed dhuhur yet!!

I did right after I finished writing this at 1:38 pm

We got the results for the sample, but the blank turned out wrong so
we have to wait until Wednesday for them.
8:37pm

Attrgh gtg pray Isha and study my metabolism 2 midterm, I Adore the
subject but dread the effort.

Lazy daisy
Yep, that's me!!
8:48 pm!!!

Sent from my iPod

Lovely jubly.

If I suffered from an addiction it'd be from two things:
Im adiccted to books and sleep

In 2nd place
Salty snacks and any form if telivision (tv or movies I mean)
December 14 2008 10:30 pm

Though I have warned my parents of the negativity and addictive pull
television has on me, it still remains in our living room, they say I
should have more self restraint, but Hello! I know I'm weak against
the silver screen, especially when it's comedy, romantic comedy , a
hospital drama or my favorite teen show Teen Buzz : a show about teens
who work in a magazine?! Music to my ears!! plus it reminds me of how
much I want to be them!!!!! Aaaargh why did I Have to grow up?
wouldn't it have been awesome if I worked in a same place like that?
Being a grown up sucks in the worst way!!!!!
Ma Sha Allah I am a really good writer.

Signed,
A lady who's buzzing

Sent from my iPod

Contemplating

I realized today that some people need a good bitch slap in order to
wake up and back off, subtlety doesn't work anymore!! People need a
train to run them over in order to realize they've made a mistake!!
And even then they don't apologize!!!
Sigh, I hate a few people, less than 5 that is, and my dad ain't one
of 'em !

Signed,
The Insomniac

Sent from my iPod

Pissed off at a certain person

Pissed off at a certain person
Thought I was over it
But still am!
That person isn't worth it
So i'm letting it go
Forgiveness is a HUGE deal
I have no idea why people take it lightly

A righteously AnGry human !!!!

Sent from my iPod

Venting is theraputic!

Breathing is hard
I can't think
I'm on the brink
I don't know if I can sink
Any lower
My heartbeat is getting slower
Is my life over?
Or is it the lack of something great?
I think my heart is full of hate and something sinister that makes is
ache
I thought I had got over the past but apparently that isn't true
Because recalling the memories still sears right through
I'm not sad anymore my tears are dried up
I'm simply pissed off
Wait pissed off is too mild, I'm freakin livid
My posture is rigid
I am not timid
I'm going to say what I f***ing want and act the way I please ((since
I know how to say what I mean without being mean))
And if anyone has a problem with me
They can simply screw themselves in the worst way
I am who I am in whatever situation I'm put on
I'm not a liar nor a hypocrite
I'll either give my all or not give at all
I don't half-ass
If I blew up in someones face, they did something to deserve it.
Whether consiously or not I don't give a crap.
So watch your mouth about me
I'm not a chew toy
Nor am I a stabbing post
So quit backstabbing me I'm not a hobby
Besides, I got Allah on my side
He'll protect me from the scum of the earth who have nothing better to
do except bitch and moan about me.

Yay! Now that I said all that
I feel free
And can breathe easily
My heart no longer hurts
I'm like starbursts
Sweet and happy
Al7amdulila

Oh and I confronted my problem and it apologized so I have forgiven
and forgotten already.

Peace out
Have spagheti :p

Sent from my iPod

Day of 3arafah 1429 H

Day of 3arafah,
It feels weird I think I'm supposed to get up and do something but I
can't I'm feeling lazy today! Waking up was an accomplishment, cuz if
i wasn't in desperate need for the "little girl's room" i would've
continued my deep sleep.

Today is forgiveness day, and tomorrow is eid aladha.
Apparently this Eid is the big one, but why is it that people here
don't celebrate it like Eid alfitr? Pisses me off!

I can't beleive school is back on next week! That totally sucks! I
have two midterms that I honestly don't feel like studying at the
moment.

Ooooooh sleep attack,
Gtg
Peace out.

Sent from my iPod

Breathing.

It's amazing how one word one gesture could change your whole day,
flip it 180 degrees from you being elated to deflated and stomped on.
From utter helplessness to strength beyond measure.
I honestly want to kick the
person who said "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can't
hurt me" because words hurt worse than a blunt rusted knife to the
heart.
Words slice me up they break my heart and ruin my concentration.
But some people are here to make me happy, they're words lift me up to
the highest height. I am grateful to them but first to the Most High
that created them for me.
I love you people.
And I miss u 2.
May Allah never seperate us.
Peace out.
P.S. I do feel awesome, thank you.

Sent from my iPod

My heart...

My heart...
It feels weird...
Something between pain and loss
I feel it being sqeezed slowly agonizingly
Every moment lengthening stretching, the hurt lingering, making me
feel every drop it gave.
I don't understand this pain, is it pain? Or is it the fear of
uncertainty? Of jumping off a skyscraper blindfolded without a
parachute but with hope that someone would be at the bottom with a
trampoline or a huge jumping castle that would catch me. That was all
I had, hope.
Maybe it isn't true, maybe it isn't that bad? I won't know until it
happens, until I'm truly airborne and helpless, until that moment I
hit the fabric of my lifebouy and am no longer lost in the sea of
darkness.
I know Allah is with me and that truly is enough. I'm not just saying
that. And I know He loves me and won't hurt me, but life is a test and
true happiness isn't here in this life, it's later in heaven, where
free falling into nothingness wouldn't even cross my mind
But I'm not there yet, I'm here in this world where certainty is a
luxury that not everyone has.
So here I am, freefalling into the unknown with the only certainty I
would ever need, Allah.
It'll take a while until my heart won't stop hurting, because even if
Allah is with me, I must go through this life , live and ace its tests.
Sigh
Luji

Sent from my iPod

Important notes

Fistly,
Huda if you are reading this pleeaaaaase email me ur number in Canada, i miss ya!!!!
ok secondly:
My friend and I are working on a t-shirt line, Fun and witty.
so if yo visitors have any ideas feel free to send 'em over, we'll make sure to link the idea to u :D
And Finally,
I am FINALLY going to launch a newspaper/magazine in sha Allah , and i need all the help i can get, ideas on what columns to put...etc. and most importantly : i need other writers and artists.

Ciao